Tuesday, February 24

It's Getting a Little Old

I have a lot of email accounts. A RIDICULOUS number of email accounts, in fact. I just never shut them down when I get a new one, so I still have sorta-active email addresses originating all the way back to high school.

OK, so I still have some AOL email accounts. And, yes, I said "some." As in, more than one.

Take a moment and finish mocking me for that. I'll wait.

Ready?

Anyway, right around last year's election, I started to notice that some of my different AOL email addresses appeared to have started developing different "personalities." I don't know why. I don't know how. I just know that the only time I use those addresses if for online shopping and bill pay. Maybe buying stuff from a gardening place gets you on a different spam list than buying from Amazon does. Whatever.

Right before the election, it became clear that one of my AOL accounts and its near twin in screen names had somehow managed to fall on opposite sides of the political fence. One account attracted HARDCORE Republican spam, and the other equally HARDCORE Democratic spam. If the two had ever had to be in a room together, I can guarantee there would have been a brawl.

Now yet another email address has decided to develop a "personality." It was my *real* email address for a long time, but then became so overcome with spam that I started only logging into it maybe once every two weeks. I was expecting something to hit that address yesterday, so I logged in and was met with a lovely little email from AARP.

I'm 33.

AARP can kiss my too-young-and-hot-for-them-booty.

After that blatant insult, I moved on with life, and realized that the email I sought wasn't there. So, today, I logged in again, quickly scanning for The Email.

Then I saw it.

An email from Ed McMahon.

As if the image of that particular life-sized wax figure weren't enough, good ol' Ed was there to tell me how I could qualify for a free motorized scooter.

So I can regain my mobility.

I'm shutting down that email account. I can handle being called a Republican. I will deal with being called a Democrat. Just don't call me old.

33.

GAH!

27 comments:

  1. I know, right?? I got a letter in the mail from AARP once, and I just about lost it. Sheesh.

    And email addys? Yeah, I might have a few myself.

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  2. I got the AARP email today and I'm 33 also. Maybe they know something we don't.

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  3. I was 32 when I gave birth to Micah. Mostly 31 when I carried him. I was considered high risk pregnancy because of my advanced age. That hurt.

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  4. I actually get all kinds of stuff in the real mail from AARP, and other retirement related stuff. I just turned 40 yet have been getting this kind of mail off and on for about 5-6 years. I about lost it when I got a flyer for burial info (grave markers or something like that) in the mail. AAack! Then just last year I started getting stuff from colleges, etc., like I was about to graduate from HS or something. WTF?

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  5. I have you beat. About a year and a half ago, when my sister got a tattoo, we stopped at Walgreens for antibacterial soap and some kind of cream (I can't remember what it was), and during checkout? I got one of those coupon thingys for a free year of AARP membership. Um, I don't even turn 29 for another month! I was 27 at the time!

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  6. don't mess with us 33 year olds. We get NASTY when called "old"!

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  7. I hear you sista. This past summer I started getting the AARP in my MAIL BOX!! I'm 42. I was soooo not pleased with that.

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  8. I felt old as soon as I started reading, since there was no email when I was in high school. But I feel young when I remind myself that mr b will be AARP fodder in 7 months.

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  9. That was funny. Great title too. I thought you were going to rant about the latest exploits of Burgh Baby.

    A couple of years ago one of my old email addresses developed a fetish for hardcore porn. I got hundreds of spam emails a day. I shut it down.

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  10. Hehe...never too early to start thinking about your incapacitated years I guess.

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  11. Jim has been getting mail from AARP for years. I keep getting the "you won Xmillion dollars, now if you will just email me all of your personal information we will tell you how to get it" emails, and it is making me crazy!

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  12. ....oh, your little gal is just so cute....

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  13. Well, this is mostly unrelated. But I just saw a commercial for the Latina Whore live show coming to our fair city March 20-22. :o

    I knew you'd be excited.

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  14. You're hillarious. This post made me laugh.

    I hate spam, so I know exactly what you're talking about. Its crazy all the stuff that you can get.

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  15. I promise to never call you old - you young whippersnapper you! Now get off my lawn! :)

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  16. Hehehe, I've stuck to 2 regular use e-mail addresses in the past 15 years, so I get it all in one place. But I wonder if we don't get the AARP notices in our thirties because we have aging parents?

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  17. @Heather--Yeah, I'm so excited for the Latina Whore to come to town that I'm positively frozen with anticipation. I can't even manage to buy tickets because I'm just. so. excited I can't think. ;-)

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  18. HAHA! I think 33 must be a magic number for the AARP because that's when I started getting mail from them too. I still get membership cards from them every few months. Weird.

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  19. My hubs got that stuff in the mail over 2 years ago -- he's 34! You reminded me that I have an email account I want to shut down...

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  20. So, do you want me to be surprised that you have multiples? Because our multiples, should meet. I have 6 ;-)

    Old my left foot "meh"

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  21. Hmm...I need to start paying closer attention to my spam. I'm not quite sure what my e-mail personality has obtained. And how in the world do you keep up with all of those e-mail accounts?? It's hard enough to keep up with the one that I have...

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  22. They just like to start the recruiting process early. REALLY early.

    The good thing is that if you COULD join, you'd always be the "hot YOUNG one!"

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  23. Well my e.mail must think I am a drug addict, because its all the time sending me offers for prescription drugs online!

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  24. It took that long for AARP to come after you? They've been trying to get me to join for years. It's because of all of that muttering under my breath I do, only old people dod the muttering under the breath thing.

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  25. It took that long for AARP to come after you? They've been trying to get me to join for years. It's because of all of that muttering under my breath I do, only old people dod the muttering under the breath thing.

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  26. I'm really late in commenting on this, but I get invitations to join AARP in the mail, complete with the little fake credit card WITH MY NAME ON IT!

    So not fair.

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