Thursday, March 12

Fear This

Disney just wasn't enough fun for Alexis. She HAD to add a little side game to her play. It's called "How Many Things Can I Find to Fear." She's been playing it all week, and I'm pretty sure she'll be making a stop by Ripley's to get her world record certified. The answer to the game is A LOT. Some examples:

Robots: Robots of any size, shape, or form must maintain a 30-foot distance. Really, not a big deal at Walt Disney World. Oh, wait . . .

Self-flushing toilets
: It's an old phobia, and one that I have managed to work around by memorizing the location of every old school public toilet in the greater Pittsburgh area. But Guess what . . . so far I've found TWO old school toilets in a Disney park. TWO. Good thing the kid can hold pee better than anyone I've ever known.

Birds: Another old phobia, and one that really isn't a big deal at home. Lots of people are willing to kick pigeons out of Alexis' way, but those people aren't here to kick the ducks, geese, cranes, and every other kind of bird that hangs out at the parks. Drop a french fry and twenty of them will magically appear out of nowhere to eat it. Make sure you give Alexis a 30-minute head start before you drop the fry, though, because she will flip the hell out if she sees a single bird.

People in costumes: We're talked about this one, but I didn't mention that it includes the "real" people like Cinderella. Oh, and by the way, I have never seen as many characters as I have on this trip, and I used to know their appearance schedules. GOOD TIMES!

Boats: Technically the issue is the horn on the big boat that takes people to the Magic Kingdom, but that phobia spread like wild fire and already seems to now include all boats. Even row boats. That she's not in.

Fireworks: Totally not a problem at all because Disney? Doesn't like fireworks. Nope, not at all. Ever.

The Dark
: Funny thing. Disney Magic can do a lot of things. It can make extra buses appear when there are far too many people waiting to get on one tiny bus. It can make free replacement fries drop out of the sky when you accidentally knock a brand new container of them on the ground. It can make a little girl forget just how much she fears people in costumes. It cannot stop the sun from setting. Maybe Tinkerbell needs to bust out some ultra-power pixie dust.

Talking trash cans: Do you know how much I love the talking trash can in Tomorrowland? A LOT. Too bad I won't be getting to feed it some yummy trash.

The tiles in the shape of the evil step-sisters inside Cinderella's castle
: I'm so not kidding. We can't walk through the castle because "the bad girls" will get us. Oye.

Some rides: I'd tell you exactly which rides are too scary for Toddler consumption, but that changes minute by minute. She LOVES Pooh Ride. She HATES Pooh Ride. She LOVES Pooh Ride. She HATES Pooh Ride. Every time we stand in a line, it's like playing Russian Roulette.

That's not even the whole list of current phobias. That's just the ones that Mr. Husband and I have been exploiting for our own amusement.

C'mon, you know you would do it, too.

(Some Teacups love/hate)


  1. Sounds like one beautiful little princess is on overload. She is going to be weary of everything until she goes back to her old familiar schedule and sleeps in her own safe bed.

  2. Glad you are finding some way to have fun! :)

  3. Sometimes I wonder at God's sense of humor. You Who Love Disney is blessed with the Child Who Fears Disney. The irony.

  4. Sounds like she is carrying an overload... but i can relate. (A secret to the self flush potty- great if you have two who are terrified of them- put your finger- or carry a bib to put- over the sensor, no more self flush monsters. (We have no "old style toilets" any where near where we live, and this has saved us several times)

  5. I really don't get why Disney would have all self flushing toilets?! Don't they know that is a common fear among children? Heck, I'm not too pleased when one flushes before I'm done either.

    That is how I would look if I went on the teacups (the 2nd picture).

  6. I'd totally be getting a talking trash can in my house and using it to keep her on track!! God, I'm evil!!

    Hallie :)

  7. Self-flushing potties? Check
    Fireworks? Check
    Boats? Check

    Add any loud noise/music (again, something Disney isn't known for. Snort) and I'm pretty sure you're related...We had to order special shooting-range type ear muffs for our young 'uns for our last trip (and believe it or not, they come in pink!). If you'd like, I can e-mail you the photo because you will laugh your butt off at the thought of them wearing them at every.single. show/parade/fireworks display/loud ride. Sheesh.

  8. @SpoiledBrat--She won't even give them a try. I think she has infrared-seeking eyes that can spot that tiny red dot the minute she enters the stall. She won't even get within five feet so I can prove that they won't reach out and bite her.

  9. Anonymous9:27 AM

    Oh, sooo funny. The poor thing is virtually surrounded in the Happiest Place on Earth!!

    I was going to suggest Post-It's for the self-flushers (they had a post on Parent Hacks about this) but if she's already wise to the infrared... You have one smart cookie there!

  10. Have you tried putting a post-it note over the infared toilet light? That way it won't flush and scare the crap out of her.....

  11. Thinks I would cry and lose it. My Love for Disney would make me want to leave my child at home so I could have fun!

  12. You're breaking out the second picture for prom night, right?

  13. FUN!!!! We went to DW when my brother was three (I was eight) and he freaked out about every furry animal. I will verify that there are like a million there!

  14. Personally, I'm a little scared of self-flusing toilets myself. I totally got your back on that one A.

  15. I have to agree with Elaine...hate the self is like a little game they like to play with you; when will they flush this time?

  16. man, i love your blog. i just can't tell you enough. the disney stories are so great. i'm lovin it.


  17. Ouch, Disneyworld is a jungle if you are scared of people in costumes. So she probably didn't enjoy the parades much, right?

  18. @Elisa--She LOVED the parades so, so, so much. All the characters stay outside of that invisible bubble she builds. She adores all the characters, she just doesn't want them to come too close.

  19. Robot fears? Clearly the little one reads my blog:)

  20. self-flushing toilets are the work of the devil.

    just sayin'

  21. Self flushing toilets freak me out too. lol! Who knew Disney could be so scary ;-)

  22. If she's afraid of self-flushing toilets, you better make sure she stays the hell away from the bidet ...