Friday, March 6

I Bet He Doesn't Think I'll Tell This Story

We've been insanely fortunate, so far, in that Alexis hasn't let loose any "colorful" language. Although, I don't really know why it's a big deal to me. As someone educated in translation, I know that words only have power if you give it to them. If you opt not to be offended by a particular word, you won't be offended. On the other hand, I think it takes mucho brains to find ways around using certain four-letter words. I can argue either side of the whole thing for hours.

Yet, I find myself creating a laundry list of taboo words. It's just so damn fun to have a kid yell at you because you said "stupid," despite having lectured that kid that it's "not nice to call people stupid." And, oh, is Alexis willing to tell you if you've used a word that is forbidden. You should sit in the car when she listens to P!nk sing Stupid Girl.

"Momma! She said stupid!"

"Momma! She said stupid again! That's not a nice word!"

"Momma! She said stupid!"

She tattles each and every time P!nk sings the word "stupid." All 4,591 times. To the point that you can't even hear the song. At all. It's fantastic how her need to tattle overwhelms her knowledge that she is -not- supposed to use that word.

(Don't ask why I still let that song play on occasion. I have no idea, other than that I really don't make sense to even me sometimes.)

Since I pretty much always have the Foul Language Police with me, I'm pretty good about catching myself. I can't say I'm perfect, but hey, she hasn't cussed yet, so I must not be doing all that bad.

Mr. Husband, however, likes to push his luck. I'm DYING for her to catch him and repeat something for no other reason than so I can kick his ass. It IS going to happen. I just hope it happens before I slip and she repeats something I said.

Tonight as we were making a quick run to the pet store, Mr. Husband slipped. In fantastic fashion. We had the dogs with us, and Cody, as usual, was acting like a goofus and trying to sit on top of the arm rest between the seats. Mr. Husband got annoyed because Cody's . . . um . . . "junk" rubbed up against his arm. Mr. Husband lashed out.

"Cody! Get your pee-pee Penis off me."

I instantly jumped on my Nagasawki and started shooting death rays out of my eyes. I don't know why. There is nothing wrong with the word "penis." Really. Nothing.


Except that Alexis immediately chimed in with her high-pitched, syrupy sweet little toddler voice.

"Pee-pee penis?" she asked.

Try not to laugh at that. Go ahead. Try.

I succeeded in not laughing. Mr. Husband did not. He giggled like a goober for a solid five minutes.

So, when Alexis screams, "PEE-PEE PENIS!" in the middle of the grocery store one of these days, you better believe I'm whipping out this blog post and sternly reminding Mr. Husband that it is ALL HIS FAULT.


  1. haha oh my. I would NOT have been able to keep a straight face at that one. At least she wasn't trying to play the penis game, where you see who has the nerve to yell it the loudest in the public place. LOL

  2. I can't believe your husband said pee-pee! That's like saying "get your penis penis off me". He's a hoot that one.

  3. Amy randomly announces that 'boys have PENISES Mummy!' in public.

    Or she will sing The Penis Song.

    'Daddy has a penis. Isaac has a penis. David has a penis. Daddy has a...'

    You get the idea. Makes me die laughing, while I blush eleven different shades of red.

  4. I'd far rather have Reid talking about penises, than pee-pees, peters, peeners (my nephew's word) or any other little-kid word. After all, at some point, like when she is 30, we're going to have a safe sex talk and I can't do that without proper terms. And all of the other parents who hear Alexis know exactly what you're feeling (and are glad it's not their kids ;+)

  5. 2 items, 1 on topic and 1 off topic.

    1. wow, the crowd that follows your blog is extremely good-looking. did you ever notice that?

    2. what kids say. when my daughter was 6, she was in her second year on swim team. its huge (about 150 kids) so they have three different groups that travel to away meets. red goes to every away meet. yellow and blue alternate away meets. so, if you are good you are on red team. she has an african american friend from daycamp (jasmine) who went out for swim team. the day after the email came out saying which group your child was in i picked her up at camp. she came running up to meet me with jasmine. i said to jazz, "hey i hear you're on swim team - what color are you?". my daughter says "daddy.....she's black".


  6. Not that I'm willing for that to happen, mind you, but ooooh, I can't wait for the day.

  7. WHO says "Pee pee penis?!?!"

    In any case, it has to be better than my toddler calling her brother a douchenozzle.

    Yeah, I'm an awesome parent.

  8. Pee-pee penis is so much nicer than the other words of said part she could be screaming. Just saying.

  9. Stupid is a "bad" word in our house, too. I recently had to add "loser" as well.

    And when Mr. MOTH hits his thumb with a hammer (or whatever) and a string of obscenities follows, both boys say - repeatedly - "Daddy, we don't say bad words."

  10. I try to keep it clean around my kids, I admit I have let it slip on more than one occasion. Hubby lets it rip without thinking. But In my 23 years of parenting, never have I had a child say Pee Pee Penis....I couldn't have kept a straight face. Of course it could have been worse. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  11. LOL. Oh yeah. And because he LAUGHED she will definitely be repeating it!!

    And's not a BAD word...but it's not one that you want to, um...whip out in public.

    Pun so totally intended...

  12. @AndreAnna--Cody had gone to the bathroom right before he got in the car, so "pee-pee" was not a reference to a part. Ahem.

  13. My friend had 2 girls and 2 boys right in a row.
    When she brought the baby boy home from the hospital, her daughter asked why he was different. She didn't know what to say so she just said "well, girls have 'ins' and boys have 'outs'. The girls didn't say anything.
    A few weeks later she had a Christmas party. One of her neighbors were using the bathroom. Gracie plows into the bathroom. Looks at the neighbor and says "oh, you have an 'in' just like me and my mom. My dad and Grant have 'outs'."

  14. LOL You're right you can't say it without laughing!

    On the music in the car, we listen to the classical station ONLY. it has really helped to avoid the morning DJs and the less than 'nice' music. Of course I feel like I'm 82 listening to it ;)

  15. LOL! I swear--badly, often, and too much. I'm working on it, but, unfortunately, for me, those dirty words are a stress reliever.

    My Sweetie, however, swears much less often, and usually not-at-all in front of the Howler.

    Which is funny, because I can let loose with a stream that would make a sailor blush and she barely bats an eye--but let him swear quietly 2 floors, several rooms away, and she hears and repeats.

    She will still, occasionally, ponder why her daddy once said, "Sunny beach while unplogging a toilet.

  16. @mumple-OMG! I lurve "Sunny beach." I'm stealing it.

  17. SpoiledBrat1:22 PM

    How funny!

  18. i'm not sure which is funnier: your husband saying, "Pee Pee Penis" or Alexis!

  19. bwahaahhahahahahahaha...

    *gasp wheeze snort choke gag*


  20. Anonymous10:52 PM

    I think I "pee-peed" my pants reading this post! Too funny!! :)