Sunday, April 5

Fact: Multi-Tasking Kills Brain Cells

I am 100% aware that I am losing my mind. 100%.

Not that long ago, I was cheerily sitting in a conference listening to someone speak about trends in computer-based training. My mind kept wandering, and I kept fidgeting with my laptop in hopes of at least getting something done while I kinda listened. Then the speaker, AS IF HE KNEW I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION, started talking about how multi-tasking is a myth and then presented information from some studies that has proven that multi-tasking kills brain cells.

Lots of people were live-twittering the conference, and immediately they all started tweeting "BS" as they were living proof that you can absolutely twitter and listen effectively. I didn't call BS because I was all like, "Yeah, I'm multi-tasking right now, and I KNOW I'm not listening that well."

And then I started thinking about how it seems like a lot of my brain cells have gone missing lately. I keep thinking it's "Mommy Brain," but then -THEN- it came to me.

Multi-tasking.

Having a kid.

You can't have one without the other.

I mean, you can't even wipe your own butt without wondering what a kid is doing once you have one roaming around your house. Either the kid has to go to the bathroom with you and you have to try to act like the ringleader at a circus to keep the kid out of trouble, or you are left to fear what room of the house is in the midst of being turned into a disaster zone. Everything about life with kids is a giant game of multi-tasking. EVERYTHING.

Ergo, there is scientific evidence out there that having kids kills brain cells.

That's my excuse for what happened earlier.

I was trying to throw together a quickie dinner of Potato Boats (I'm going to get mocked for this one--oh well). A Potato Boat is a slice of bologna (in our case, faux bologna) with a scoop of mashed potatoes and a cube of cheese on top. It's one of those five-star lunches that I remember very well from grade school, and Alexis LOVES them. Dinner can be served in under five minutes, so I'm game for making them once every three or four months.

I threw the mashed potatoes in the microwave to warm up, grabbed the faux bologna out of the fridge, and then got distracted by the bag of grapes that needed cleaning. I had a few minutes before the potatoes would be finished, so I figured I would take care of the grapes right then and there. I set the faux bologna on the counter and turned my attention to a little grape scrubbing.

A few minutes later, the microwave wailed at me that the potatoes were done, so I turned to start slopping the concoctions together.

The bologna had grown legs and walked away.

I was SURE of it.

And yet, I wasn't.

I thought maybe I had left it in the fridge. Or set it in the cabinet when I opened it to put something away. Or threw it in the trash. Or . . . I started to wonder if it really had grown legs.

"Alexis, did you take the bologna?" I called out.

"Yes," she replied.

"Where did you put it?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied.

I believed her on both accounts, but I wasn't sure she really understood the question. We so rarely eat Potato Boats that I wasn't positive she actually understood the word "bologna."

"Alexis, did you take the red box?" I tried rephrasing my question.

"Yes," she replied.

"Where did you put it?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied. Again.

I rephrased the question ten different ways, and each time the answer was the same. Yes, she took it, but she didn't know where it was.

It took twenty minutes to find the faux bologna. In the freezer. Where Alexis put it.

Having kids definitely kills brain cells.

22 comments:

  1. What the heck is faux bologna? I must be a martian:P

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  2. Oh...first...no brain cells!

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  3. Brain cells?

    What do those do?

    Yeah, I aint gots any of dose tings in me brain!

    Promise ya 'dat!

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  4. There's real and faux bologna? Which have I been eating I wonder?

    I had a hot dog go missing once and questioned Shark Boy until he was exhausted and turned the house over looking for it.

    We concluded that Shark had indeed put it somewhere, likely the great room, but the dog must have eaten it before we could find it.

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  5. I gots 2 girlys.

    Either it was the girlys that killed those brain cells or the nightly bottle of booze I have to consume just to stop my body from shaking due to high stress, earth shattering fear, TOTAL frustration, and the sound of my own voice saying the same thing over and over and over again!

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  6. oh ... and that lunch sounds pretty darn good to me and my girlys wouldn't touch it with a 10 ft pole. Mashed potatos are like cream cheese to me, GOOD ON ANYTHING!

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  7. well, duh.

    and just so's you know, it doesn't get better as the kids get older.

    you're welcome.

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  8. I finally found my hairbrush in the kid's closet on a shelf the other day after 5 or so days of it missing. The brain-cell loss thing is an epidemic...

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  9. We don't need scientific research to prove that having kids kills brain cells. The good news is, new ones grow when the kids get older.

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  10. Yeah, I'm looking forward to getting those new-fangled brain cells when my girls get older :) Right now, I am myself - but a stupid version of myself.

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  11. It must be true. There is no other explanation for it. There is only so much room in the brain hard drive and when you add diaper schedules, daycare issues, longer grocery lists, babysitter lists, diaper bags, toys, Cheerios, runny noses and goodness knows what else, well, something's got to go.

    I often wonder when my brain will be mine again, when its toddler captor will relinquish power... Oh, how I hope it is soon...

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  12. In our house, the answer would have been, "Yes... goggie!" (Translation: "I fed it to the dogs!")

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  13. Ha ha ha! Love Nicki's comment - I was fairly certain that was where this was going!

    Sounds to me like she was just trying to help. ;-)

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  14. I believe it. 100%! In the space of less than 1 minute, I drained pasta, told the fiance where to place the table outside, gave 1 kid a cookie and told the other kid that she had to stay out of the kitchen. I think I'm down to about 20 brain cells.

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  15. Having kids definitely kills brain cells. That's why I have nothing left. Nothing.

    Were we saying something?

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  16. I agree kids kill brain cells but my problem goes back to malted hops and bong resin. At least Alexis moved your faux bologna. I need no help losing stuff on my own. What exactly is faux bologna? Are you vegitarians and I some how missed it?

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  17. Totally with you on the major loss of brain cells! Now I know it is a scientific fact and will use it as a constant excuse!!!

    Can't wait to hear what faux bologna actually is!

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  18. Potato boats?!? WTF? I was expecting a twice baked potato kind of thing. But dinner centered around bologna rolled around mashed potatoes - but not real bologna, fake bologna? You are making that up.

    And I skip the brain cells and theorize that my children are killing me slowly.

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  19. Look, man, I'm not trying to be harsh, but potato boats? WTF? I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

    PS - found Sumo's little plastic hammer in the butter section in my fridge.

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  20. I have two thoughts...

    1. Faux bologna sounds completely gross.
    2. Your speaker, or the person who made the claim that multi tasking kills brain cells was a MAN. They can't do it, and they are jealous. That is all.

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  21. Multitasking does come with children, yet I believe not everyone has the gene. I love the answer I don't know. You ahonestly have to believe them b/c they really don't. However, when my DH uses the term (frequenty I may add for all questions asked of him), I tend to think he just doesn't want to remember. lol

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  22. ah, children. God makes them so darn cute so we'll want to keep them.

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