Monday, May 11

Tasty Murder Saves Lives?

Friday marked the beginning of the most wonderful time of the year. Around 5:30pm, the clouds parted, the sun shone brightly, and angels began singing the Hallelujah Chorus because WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO the Farmer's Market opened for the year!

It's been six months since the greatest place within five miles of our house was open for business, and yet Alexis had not forgotten about the magical, mystical Betchtubles. The very second she saw that sign (for the first time since last Fall, I might add--I'm constantly amazed at how good her memory can be), she was a very happy camper. I warned her that there wasn't going to be much there to buy, but she didn't care.

We strolled through the five or so vendors (there will be 30 or more once things really get going), perusing various plants, munching on some baked goods, and finally settling on a little bunch of asparagus to take home. I figured I would be kind to the carnivore in the house and check out the freshly murdered cow that was for sale out of the back of a refrigerated truck. As Alexis and I neared, the lady working the truck looked at Alexis and said, "Honey, you should buy your mommy filet mignon for Mothers Day!"

Fortunately my kid doesn't talk or listen to strangers or I might have had to inform Short Stuff that Mommy most certainly does not want a hunk of dead bovine for Mothers Day. In fact, I'm pretty sure that there are maybe five women in the whole world who think of a hunk of beef when working on their Mothers Day wish list. OK, four women in the world. And they are all on the Beef Council. Anyway, I smiled at the woman and tried to end the madness by saying,"That's OK. I'm a vegetarian."

Whoops.

It turns out that telling a person who makes a living murdering cows that you are a vegetarian is a little bit of an invitation for them to lecture you on the merits of tasty murder. (BTW, you meat eaters can chill out. That there is a wee bit of sarcasm. I really don't care what creatures you put in your mouth. Just don't eat people. Or kittens. KTHXBAI.) The woman started out by asking how I manage to get enough iron in my diet. I figured it wasn't worth my time to really lecture her on the merits of a balanced diet, so I just said, "I'm not real worried about it."

Whoops.

She considered that an invitation to go hard core on my veggie booty. She went on some sort of long dissertation. I missed a great deal of it because my brain exploded all over the place and I was too busy trying to find it to listen, but somewhere in there were the words, "You could die from not eating meat."

Peeps, I haven't eaten a dead critter in 19 years. NINE-TEEN YEARS. I could very well fall over dead tomorrow, but I very seriously doubt it'll be because I don't eat things that used to have eyeballs. I was so flabbergasted that at first I couldn't respond.

Whoops.

Cow Lady mistook my shocked silence as something TOTALLY different than it was. She apparently thought I was learning some sort of valuable lesson that would save my life, so she kept on going. Finally, I managed to collect enough brain matter to come up with a response.

Of course I played along with it.

For ten minutes she had the joy of schooling me on the error of my ways, and for ten minutes I yanked her chain all up and down that Farmer's Market. I'm pretty sure she went to bed that night absolutely convinced she had saved a life, but only after I bought a package of hamburgers from her.

I'm pretty sure I heard them moo when Mr. Husband ate them.

Moo.

29 comments:

  1. Ooh! I love the Farmer's markets! We have a brand new one where I live, and come late June early July they are teeming with yummy veggies. I went vegetarian last year, and hubby's family endlessly took me to task.
    Love the dandelion girl. Soo cute!

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  2. haha dude. What a wacko. I love meat (wow if The Husband heard that he'd have about a million immature comments *short*) but seriously, you will not DIE if you don't eat meat. I love that you played along though. hee

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  3. what a loon. Maybe she felt intimidated by you and felt she had to bring you over to the dark meat side! My husband eats more soy than oughtta be allowed. He is completely grossed out by meat, not that it once had eyeballs but because it comes with bits of fat along with various & sundry gross particles like bone chips etc...
    btw, I found the 2nd most perfect moms day gift for you = http://www.livescience.com/technology/090422-mind-reading-twitter.html

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  4. I love meat! I would so love a great chunk of beef being cooked on the grill for me for mothers day! See now you only need to find the other three! You're welcome!

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  5. all i need is for the whackos to talk to roo-girl about dead animals. i have enough trouble as it is.

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  6. "Betchtubles". I love it!
    Why do meat eaters feel the need to convert vegetarians? And vice versa. To each his own I say. Live and let live. And really, dying because you don't eat meat? Pfft!!

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  7. I had filet mignon for Mother's Day....awesome, especially when hubby cooks it!

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  8. I am another one who would be very happy with a filet for Mom's Day! LOL!!

    But what a wacko. That was so funny that you strung her along.

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  9. Maybe if you ate the eyeballs you'd live. Just a thought...

    Hallie :)

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  10. Wow. I want the name of that vendor, because if she shows up at one of my Farmer's Market I want to stay far, far away from her.

    I have yet to run up against a hard-core carnivore who wants to convert me (or other veggie members of my family). Thank goodness.

    I, too, have been veggie for 19 years. And I feel just fine, thanks.

    ciao,
    rpm

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  11. Our local Farmer's Market doesn't open until next month and I'm totally bummed about that! I want it to open NOW!! Oh, and we have cow people at ours too. But I'm not sure how I feel about buying meat from a street corner, so we never visit their table. But if your husband did OK after eating street burgers, maybe I've got things all wrong!

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  12. Chicklitlisa11:29 AM

    where is this farmers market?? the one in my neighborhood is on a night I can't go...

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  13. i love the farmers market!

    Although I eat meat, i don't eat beef. Miss cow killer, perhaps, left out how unhealthy red meat is- from her spiel? of course she did. And you know, those tobacco reps can spin a pretty tale too.

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  14. Our stupid Famer's Market doesn't open until JUNE! Ugh, I'm so jealous!!

    I would love to be a vegetarian...but I don't like peppers or onions or eggplant or...well, enough veggies to make it difficult to be a full blown vegetarian *lol*

    However I do believe we can live w/o meat and applaud you for doing so!

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  15. But, how DO you get enough iron in your diet?! (Sorry)

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  16. Your posts always crack me right up.
    I hate Hate HATE Opinionated Know-it-all Do-gooders who try to shovel their shiz on me! :D
    You handled it well.

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  17. I can't believe you actually bought something from her. What a nut.
    And that is coming from the "Butchers Wife"

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  18. I love me a good farmer's market. That way I can get fresh tomato slices for my double cheeseburger.

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  19. Well, I guess if everyone went vegetarian, she'd be out of a job! Its a conspiracy! ;) COngratulations on your nineteen years of vegetarianism. I was a vegetarian for one measly year. I would love to go back to it... The problem is that I live with family members, and I generally eat with them. I never order meat for myself or make it for myself, but if other people make it, I kinda feel obligated to eat it!!! :(

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  20. Our Farmer's Market is 3 minutes from my office and is open all year round. I love it! I go during the week and take the boys on weekends for veggies, fruits, and plants - the flowers are awesome.

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  21. I am glad I was faaaar away from that conversation...now pass the burgers;P

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  22. That's so funny! Imagine how offended she would have been if you had started screaming, "MURDERER!!". This story just shows how much class you have. You could have lectured her on your views & it could have gone downhill into a screaming match. You know what they say about opinions! Good for you!!

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  23. I need a good Farmers Market. I wasnt thrilled with the one closest to me last year

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  24. Hey, crack pot meat seller lady! You get iron from spinach, beans, artichokes, raisins & prunes! So pass the spinach artichoke dip and MYOB!
    The FIL served steak for Mother's Day dinner but he hasn't the foggiest clue how to cook steak so I passed.
    Oh, and did you and RPM have your last dead animal on the same day? Just wonderin'. ;)

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  25. I have so many things to say about this post that I don't even know where to start.

    Next week? When you go back? Tell her that you were jonesing for a meat fix so bad, you ended up barbecuing your dog.

    Might as well make her think she's turned you into a fanatical meat eater who'll eat anything.

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  26. I LOVE the Farmer's Market. THE best stuff. YUM!

    OH and dead cow lady, yeah, whatever. Did you tell her she could die from eating meat? I woulda.

    P.S. I'm not a vegetarian myself but still... she's crazy.

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  27. I was a vegetarian for a while, believe it or not. Then I realized that I am the apex predator and embraced my carnal nature.

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  28. I cannot believe that you kept her going! Don't encourage that behavoir! ;-)

    Love that pic!

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  29. I love you for that. Awesome.

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