Sunday, August 16

Birth Control for Preschoolers

She says she wants two boys and one girl. In an excited tone that proves that the kid truly hates me, Alexis claims that she wants three younger siblings, and she wants them all at once. Triplets.

That's what she says. It's not what she means.

Alexis does love babies. A lot. When I told her earlier in the week that Jack would be coming to visit yesterday, she was excited. VERY excited. When I dropped a few other names, she was even more excited. She spent the entire week telling me how it was almost Saturday, and how she had toys for Jack and the rest of the crew to enjoy. She even spent an hour picking through a bunch of her old toys deciding which ones were just right for the babies.

She's such a liar.

The very second the first kid showed up for the house warming type thing, Alexis froze, as if we were playing freeze tag and she was afraid to even breathe. As Alex eagerly descended on the glorious stash of toys, Alexis slowly backed up. And backed up. And backed up. Finally, she found her way into the open closet where she stayed.

For a long time.

If no one was paying attention, she would resume playing, but always in a sort of slow-motion sort of way. It's like she was afraid that if she moved too fast, somebody might realize she was there. Every once in a while I would drop-in on the playroom to check on her, and every time she would whisper, "The kids are playing with my toys."

"It's very nice of you to share," I would reply.

"Yeah," she would respond, in a hushed, suspicious tone. Basically, she was pretty much saying, "THIS IS NOT OK. MAKE IT STOP. HOW THE FRIKKITY FRACK DO I MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR?"

She survived the night, as did all of her toys. Seriously, I didn't hear about a single real battle over anything, and nothing was broken. It looked like someone had thrown a grenade in the room, but that was to be expected.

This morning Alexis and I went back into the war zone to pick it up a bit. As she helped me carefully place things back in their appropriate places, she asked, "Where are my kids?"

"They all had to go home," I replied.

"Oh," she replied. She followed with, "OK," as she rearranged the spoons and forks in her kitchen bin.

"Maybe we should get you some baby brothers and sisters so they can play with your toys all the time," I replied. I looooove torturing that kid.

Her head snapped to attention, her eyes locked on mine, and she said, "I don't fink so," with the ferocity of a lion.

Heh.

28 comments:

  1. I did get a kinda-sorta hug from A when I was leaving. For like a hot second, and then she was all like "let go of me, I'm not here." Good enough for me. I owe her a play date though with the girl with the pony tail! I'll make good on that soon enough. I'm not one to make a small child angry!

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  2. Dude . . . I know I am not telling you anything new when I tell you that Alexis is one awesome kid! Despite what she says, however, I bet she would be all over a sibling like mud on a shovel - even if there is toy sharing involved.

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  3. Soooo ... you have that big ol' house and aren't planning on siblings for Alexis? Sounds like her friends will need to come over more often. :D

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  4. If only she realized how nice you were being, giving her a good forewarning of what a sibling is like. I mean, you could have just gone and brought one home. Imagine the horror when she realized it was staying and just might possibly touch her toys!!! Or, God forbid, her blankie!! Ahhhhhh!!!!

    Any time you need someone to put a little fear back in her life, both of mine are available :-)

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  5. Amy spends a lot of time telling me that 'Isaac has my toy. OH NO!' It was okay when he was too little to need toys, but nowadays it's a bit of a juggling act.

    It's nice though.

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  6. Julia should be enough of a "i want siblings" deterrant with her "everything i see is mine" phase. And her need to touch EVERYTHING. jez, my kid is insane.

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  7. This is why I am thankful that I had my girls close together. They had no idea of the freedom of not having someone play with their toys.

    On the other hand, oh how I was sick of buying TWO of everything in different colours...

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  8. I love that she called them "my kids".

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  9. Should you ever need to re-solidify that idea in her mind, my kids are always up for grabs. Or grabbing of toys. Either one.

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  10. @Sue--Everybody is either "my kids" or "my girls." It cracks me up every single time.

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  11. Alexis can come and babysit anytime. A_N_Y_T_I_M_E!

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  12. haha! Just this weekend Rocco told me he wanted a sister, but he wanted a big sister. When I told him that if we had another kid that it would another baby and didn't he have enough problems with the one baby we already had? That put an end to that conversation right quick. He did invent an invisible older brother last summer, though, and he's still around, but he's invisible and I'd take a whole housefull of them!

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  13. Well at least now there isn't any pressure to have triplets. LMAO! ;-)

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  14. Haha. Your description of her reaction to the kids (particularly Alex as the first one) is PERFECT. I loved that she would hide in the closet.

    She was GREAT with everyone! She will make a great big sis to triplets ;)

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  15. You are mean and cruel.

    And that's why I love you.

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  16. Oh, I love this post...

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  17. Super fabulouso story. Could feel her "pain". ;)

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  18. @Allison Says--By "great" I know you mean HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS. It totally cracks me up.

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  19. Why, oh why, does this read like the kind of post that is going to be hilarious in...oh, say 9 or 10 months? :) Just sayin'...hope you knocked on some wood.

    (Yes, I know I'm evil!)

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  20. @Katie--I'm glaring in your general direction right now.

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  21. Congrats on your win at http://gocitykids.parentsconnect.com/parents-picks/pittsburgh-pa-usa/best-pittsburgh-local-blog
    Nice blog!
    Here's to all the Pittsburgh Mom Bloggers! Cheers. Colleen at Teaching Heart www.teachingheart.net and Teaching Heart Mom.

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  22. She is so hilarious. It's awesome though that she shared so well, given her discomfort with it!

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  23. You're so sly... And she's so cute!

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  24. Princess dress and muffins...is that Miss Peach I see? There are days when Miss Peach will let The Little Man play with the toys...but most of the time...NOT! Same kid I tell 'ya!

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  25. @ Burgh - Impervious. :)

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  26. i don't fink so??

    bwahahahahahaha.

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  27. @Katie--I know where you live. Just sayin'.

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