Sunday, September 27

A Gold Hoop Would be Lovely

It turns out that if you want to see me violently gouge my ears out with a spork, all you have to do is suck on your bottom lip. Just one tiny little blip of the gawd-awful sound that is produced when one tucks their lower lip over their teeth and starts suckling is enough to launch me directly into a straight jacket-worthy fury.

OF COURSE Alexis had to go and decide that sucking on her lip is the most wonderful thing she can possibly do. It's better than watching High School Musical. It's better than eating a can of Lima beans. It's even better than watching a Penguins hockey game from Mario's box at the Igloo. It's the bestest, funnest, most wonderful thing EVER. YAY!

I've lost all patience with it. Not only is it annoying, but once the weather gets cold, it's going to lead to an epic case of chapped lips. I do NOT have the patience to deal with a person complaining about something that they 100% brought onto themselves.

I've tried EVERYTHING to get her to knock it off. I've begged, pleaded, yelled, scolded, punished, whined, cried, screamed, whispered, laughed, joked, and bawled. SHE KEEPS DOING IT. Over and over and over.

I get why she's doing it. She's one of those kids whose mouth has to be doing something at all times. When she was a newborn, she had to be eating or sucking on a pacifier. Later, she had to be blowing raspberries or cooing. Then she went for talking. Nonstop. After that, for a brief moment, she thought it would be fun to suck on her thumb/fingers. That lasted about 5.4 seconds after I saw her drag her hand along a rail at the zoo and then stick about 21325315098 germs directly into her mouth.

It's funny how you can get a kid to stop a behavior just by going completely nuts on them. Too bad once they've seen your eyes pop out of their sockets, they become immune to it as a means of persuasion.

Dammit.

In my quest to make the madness end, I decided to start giving the kid "lipstick" all the time. It's really nothing more than Chapstick, but I delivered it with a message. "If you suck on your lip, the lipstick will come off and it'll end up in your belly and you'll get sick."

It sounded like a good idea. Really.

Even Alexis said it was a good idea. After I let her slather her entire face with the shiny stuff on Saturday, she cheerily said, (and I QUOTE), "You're a genius, momma." See that? My kid knows her stuff. I AM a genius.

(I might be including that part solely because there will come a day when Alexis will glare at me and declare me the dumbest person on Earth, screaming something like, "You don't understand anything. You're so dumb," and I'll be able to accurately remember that she was smarter when she was three years and nine months old because truly, I AM a genius. There is not taking it back once it has been said.)

Right after she declared the truest fact ever, she started sucking on her lip. Genius or not, I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to convince the kid to Stop. freakin. sucking. on. her. lip.

I think the next logical step is to just pierce her lip. Surely some pain and blood and gore will get her to knock it off.



(This is me not talking about the fact that the kid might just be wearing jeans in that pic because talking about it would be like talking about your grandparents having sex. YOU JUST DON'T TALK ABOUT THESE IMAGINARY THINGS.)

17 comments:

  1. You sure know how to accessorize. Lip jewelry on pre-schoolers is just plain awesome.

    (And? I sneak jeans onto Tatum when she is sleeping. Yes I do. And throw her into the car half asleep and laugh when we arrive to school and she's wearing them! 'Cause I'm all kinds of motherly.)

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  2. rebelliousflaw10:46 PM

    Y'know, maybe you shouldn't have pointed this little tidbit in my direction...

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  3. If I end up in a room full of people doing that during PodCamp, there will be hell to pay.

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  4. You know, someone on Etsy could probably make really nasty/peppery/YUCK lipstick for her. Just the threat of having to wear it might work.

    Don't turn me in to CYS. I've not done it to my own children. I'm just good at coming up with torturing devices for other people's kids.

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  5. oh my heavens is that picture adorable.

    My hope would be that once she actually DOES have chapped lips and feels the pain, that will stop the lip sucking. I guess you'll have to wait and see!

    Also: I can't wait to see the Google hits you get from a post about lip sucking. HA!

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  6. MarkECib11:22 PM

    After reading that I cannot stop sucking on my bottom lip and I'm totally blaming your post for this.

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  7. Anonymous9:13 AM

    ignore it, she'll stop. Yes, i know it'll drive you nuts till she does, but odds are once she sees you aren't bothered by it, she'll stop. either that, or when she gets chapped lips, she'll see it's no fun and stop...

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  8. Hmmm...I wonder if they have the fake stick on ones for toddlers? That might be enough to do the trick. Luckily, Indie slathers on lipgloss constantly. Of course, she especially loves to slather it on men which is the most fun ever. Nothing like watching my burly brothers get a taste of Strawberry Sizzle. :D

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  9. We had a finger-in-the-mouth phase earlier this year (germs!!!). It seemed like the more we tried to get our son to stop, the more he would do it. We asked our pediatrician about it at his 5 year old appointment, and he said just to let it go, that if it's a nervous habit, the more you talk about it, the more he will probably do it. We stopped bringing it up, and within a couple weeks, the habit was gone. Go figure.

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  10. Good luck with that one. I agree... the accompanying noise is totally obnoxious.

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  11. ChickLitLisa1:03 PM

    I agree with the just ignore it posters...HOWEVER...if it truly is driving you nutso--try to designate a lip sucking area in you home...like her bedroom. She can only do it there...if you see her doing it...it's ok..but she has to go to the bedroom (or other designated spot)...IDK if it will work...or if it is feasable...I am basing it on thumb sucking, pacifier and blanky addiction breakers that worked with my neice and nephews...but food for thought....Also, try to figure out if there is a pattern...is she doing a fine motor task (coloring, building, etc.) that requires concentration...is she tired...is she bored...etc.

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  12. Remember that one time, when you were at DisneyWorld, and you told Alexis that if she kept pulling on your arm that the birds would come and peck her eyes or something? And she stopped?

    Just sayin'....

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  13. You could try to put the bitter biter stuff on her lip, or below her lip. We used it to help my daughter stop sucking her thumb. I'm betting if you put it right below her lip, so she didn't get it with casual lip licking, it might work.

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  14. OMG how cute is that picture?! Ignoring the behavior may go a long way, but if it doesn't, how about getting the dentist or pediatrician involved? Cooper and Maren ADORE their dentist and their pediatrician, and 99.9% of the time, will cave to the pressure of knowing that "Dr. Dave or Dr. Sarah will be very disappointed when they hear you are doing that." Manipulative? Sure. Effective? Yes.

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  15. definitely want to break her of that habit!But, since I don't have kids and can barely control my own tics I'll just say good luck!

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  16. I really can't help you there. As a kid, I used to twirl my hair around my finger. Drove my poor dad nutso. He reminded me constantly to stop. As a teen, I was still doing it. It was still driving him nutso. Even now, I occasionally do it. I'll go apologize to my dad, and tell him he's a genius. Will that help?

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  17. LOVE the jeans! My father nagged and nagged me to stop sucking my thumb when I was a kid and I finally did when he quite bugging me about it. Just sayin'...

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