Sunday, September 20

She Did Apologize. Eventually.

There should be some sort of law that dictates that kids can't act like jerks on days when you have plans to hang with them. Or, if there is such a law, somebody really needs to come read it to Alexis. Slowly. With perfect diction. Twice.

For weeks Alexis has been excited about going to Stomp. WEEKS. I was a moron and mentioned it to her way too soon, so I had the pleasure of enduring her daily inquests into, "Is it Stomp today?" for many, many days. When it finally was "Stomp today," the kid was soooooooo excited. WAY too excited. I don't know how it is that she loves going to the theater, but she does, and she was soooooooo excited all day that she just couldn't contain herself.

Nor could she nap.

Lots of people have tried to tell me the kid is too old to still need her afternoon nap. Interestingly enough, none of them were around between 2:00pm and 4:00pm on Saturday when The I Haven't Had a Nap Monster made her appearance. Her head spun, her body convulsed, her mouth spewed hateful words, and that was all within the span of two seconds. What she did with the other one hour and 59 minutes and 58 seconds was even more impressive.

She. was. awful.

She was so awful that I was ->thisclose<- to pulling the plug on the whole thing. It's not really my idea of fun to drag a screaming, naked (long story, but basically she decides she hates every article of clothing she owns) brat into a darkened theater. If I had gotten the tickets for free I definitely would have pulled the plug, but I didn't, so I couldn't.

When it was time to leave, I literally carried her kicking and screaming and still mostly naked out to the car and pinned her down so I could buckle her seat belt. It was SO fabulous. The most amazing part of that little piece of parenting FAIL was that no neighbors called the cops. I'm sure they were tempted.

We didn't even make it out of our 50-foot long driveway before Alexis fell asleep.

Thank goodness.

When we arrived downtown, I opened the car door and gently woke the kid up. Her eyes popped open as her mouth blurted, "Is it Stomp today?"

"Yes, it's time for Stomp right now," I told her.

She sprung out of the car faster than the Roadrunner can dodge a Wile E. Coyote death trap then proceeded to love every single second of the production, particularly the audience call and response part at the end.

I'm hoping to take her to Pittsburgh Ballet's Sleeping Beauty next month, so could someone please get her that Don't Be a Jerk memo before then? I don't think I can survive another appearance by The I Haven't Had a Nap Monster.


  1. Bummer. We were at Stomp today. How'd Alexis like it? (and no comments about how if I'd been at dinner Friday night, we could have compared notes. It was a holiday!)

  2. Anonymous10:46 PM

    I have always wanted to see Stomp! I am glad that she loved it, and am sorry that the lead-up to it was so awful. Cooper and Maren had both gotten to a stage where naps were not really a necessity, and I didn't really push the issue. And then the jerkiness reared its ugly head. Naps/quiet time are now back to being mandated.

  3. Anonymous11:48 PM

    See, the trick is to never never EVER be more interested or committed to the performance than he/she is. That means you are in the position of power (eg oh well, I guess we'll just have to go home) and maximizes the chances of winning. If the nap monster has nailed you that particular day, you just leave it up to the kid to choose...!

  4. ah, the no-nap monster. roo-girl was FAMOUS for demonstrations like this.

    it goes away eventually ... only to be replaced by hormones.

  5. @Susan--Alexis loved it. Considering it's nothing but people dancing and banging on things, what's not to love?

    @Anonymous--Oh, I threatened to just not go many, many times and normally I would be willing to live up to it, but it was so painfully obvious that beneath the fit, she really wanted to go. She was trying to behave like a human (that's how the nekkid happened, actually), but was too tired to figure out how to do it.

  6. Please don't tell me that The I Haven't Had a Nap monster doesn't get worse. Seriously, LIE TO ME and tell me it doesn't get worse.

    Glad the show was enjoyable. I imagine that's something Deacon will love in the future...

  7. Anonymous9:36 AM

    I know nothing about kids, but whoever suggests that afternoon naps no longer are necessary IS the Nap Monster. I know adults who can't function without a nap.

    Also...That's awesome she likes theaters!

  8. Loved Stomp!

    Sleeping Beauty is seriously one of the most beautiful ballets. Years ago, I performed the Bluebird and it is SOOOOO pretty. The whole production is Princess to the max.

  9. this is so true...

    and really, kids are all different. Genny is 10 and she can't get through the weekend without one nap. It's amazing what a nap can solve.

    Wait. For me too...

  10. SO did she like it? I actually saw Stomp 'off Broadway' in NYC back in 1996 (gah, that as a while ago...) and was in TOTAL awe. LOVE that show!

  11. Glad she enjoyed the show! Did she come home and want to bang on some pots and pans?

    I found out this weekend the importance of a nap! I needed this post. Thank you.

  12. My sister is coming to visit the beginning of November and we bought tix to take Gracie to see The Von Trapp Family Singers at Bass Hall! ...which you would be much more excited about if you had seen The Sound of Music. :)

    Glad things worked out!

  13. Anonymous2:41 PM

    REALLY wanted to go to Stomp, and take my 3-year-old with me, but "fiscal responsibility" reared it's ugly head this summer/autumn, so I restrained myself.

    We took our kids to the park yesterday and did lots of fun stuff, but skipped the, did that mean big-time trouble around dinner time, all through to bed time. NEVER AGAIN, at least, not by choice. Oiy!

    Glad she managed to sleep in the car and enjoy the show, though!

  14. We've officially given up naps a few months ago, and I say screw people who tell you she doesn't need it anymore. Mine doesn't and the thing with him now is that if he DOES fall asleep, his body thinks it must be nightime and therefore sleeping less than 10 hours is bad.

    So when you wake up my darling child two or three hours later, you will think you've woken up some spirit with a Ouija board. He is the worst person I've ever met and I won't allow him to sleep, if he's that tired, he goes down to bed earlier that night.

    But I sure do miss nap time though. Sigh.

  15. I know that monster all too well. If there's a law against it, my kids will need to go to juvenile hall. Good luck next time. Make sure she gets that nap if at all possible.

  16. My personal nap monster came out around 3pm. It's the true witching hour, if you ask me.

  17. Anonymous8:59 PM

    I've been told Morgan's too old for an afternoon nap. To them I say "bite it!" She's up between 6:30 and 7:30, naps from 1/1:30 until 3:30/4:00 and goes to bed between 8:30 and 9. She wants to nap, I am not telling her no.

    The times she hasn't napped? That nasty No Nap Monster has shown her face once or twice. It's no pretty and not something I enjoy.

    Unless I can be severely drunk. Or medicated.


  18. Ah, the I Haven't Had A Nap Monster. I HATE that guy! We've been well acquainted lately. Every child is different and I know that a lot of the low-key younger ones may not need naps, but high-energy ones like mine (and I suspect possibly Alexis) NEED that nap. I think I need Eva's nap time as much if not more than she does. I hope to keep those going for a while to come.

    So glad she loved Stomp! I've always wanted to see it!

  19. I loathe the car naps. They're just never long enough.

  20. As long as the nap helps - let her have it. Actually, hope and pray she still takes them when she's like 12.

    I bet she loved STOMP! What fun!

  21. Yeah, that monster appears at my house too. My youngest still naps... even if he only stays down for an hour, it is totally worth it.

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  23. My almost five year old still naps. My mother in law keeps telling me that most 3 year old don't nap. To which I reply, "They really should be napping."

    Also - I'm jealous of Alexis and all her theatre experiences!

  24. @Cathy--You and me both. The kid has been to more theater events in her first three years of life than I went to in my first 25 years of life.

  25. Yes. We're going to see Disney on Ice, complete with Meet and Greet with characters before hand, tomorrow. I have not told the kids. I have no desire to tell them. At all.

    Also, BB still naps. He didn't nap yesterday. So he was an angry, grumpy, mean child WELL before bedtime last night. Some children still need naps. Moms know best. Ignore people.

  26. Anonymous2:54 PM

    Don't take her to see Sleeping Beauty. It is torturously long and B-O-R-I-N-G. And yes, this from an adoring, mom who used to dance ballet AND who had children in the production. It was AWFUL! The dancers were beautiful -- it was just way too long.

  27. @Anonymous--Oh, really? Hrmm. I found Cinderella painfully boring when I took her last year, but Alexis loved it. I may have to be sure I'm on the aisle so we can bail if she starts to get bored.

  28. Harrison still needs to nap @ 4 years (not that he will anymore - unless induced by a car ride home from somewhere at 4PM - oops) I've always wanted to take him to Stomp, but it hasn't been around here for awhile (at least that I knew of) He would LOVE it. No doubt. He couldn't sit through [even short] theater productions when he was younger - too much energy coursing through his veins. But now...

    I can't wait for the day.

    Oh we have a "no-nap monster" that rear's it's ugly head around here occasionally. fun.

  29. I can so relate. Now that we are slightly older and really WILL NOT nap (even when mommy and brother are napping), the I am hungry Monster rears it's very ugly head. For my DD if she is hungry, you do not want to be near her longer than to feed her and then wait 20 min. I swear the angels sing.

    PS...she totally gets this trait from DH. I have learned to carry snacks for both of them while shopping.