Wednesday, September 23

Sleeping Cutey Was Sweet (Until I Read It)

I've never been a princess sort of chick. This is a shocking revelation, I know. I'm sure everyone pictures me sitting atop my throne adorned in a fluffy pink gown and adjusting my crown as I shout out blog posts to my man-servants. Sadly, I actually have to stoop to typing them myself, usually dressed in ratty old flannel pajamas. It's a sad, sad existence.

Because Karma works in amazing ways, I of course gave birth to one of those kids who would have a giant pink princess tutu surgically attached to her waist if she could find a doctor willing to perform the procedure. The kid eats, breaths, and sweats princess love. It's a sad, sad existence.

Because Karma is such a bitch, I have spent the past year or so fully immersed in the Princess Universe. We've got gowns. We've got dolls. We've got books.

Of course we have books. The Princess Wanna-Be is a giant bookworm.

Somewhere along the line, I bought this book:

I ain't gonna lie--I'd never read the story of Sleeping Beauty (also referred to as "Sleeping Cutey"--that's what Alexis calls it). I knew the premise, but I'd never actually read the words, nor had I seen the movie (I'm just full of shocking news tonight!).

Either this particular version of Sleeping Beauty is all sort of whacked, or the original story is all sorts of whacked. First you've got the king and queen selling their newborn off to the highest bidder. Sure! Why not arrange for your kid to get married just as soon as she's born? Make sure it's to a kid who is considerably older than her, and make sure she gets married the very second she's old enough to drive a car. Genius!

Then the whole curse thing goes down and the king and queen decide it makes sense to send the newborn off with a bunch of old cat ladies. OK, so I don't know if they fairies had 17 cats each, but I bet they did. I mean, they are old and single and living together and, well . . . LOOK AT THEM.


Once the fairies kidnap the kid, the evil fairy starts talking to her pet raven. I support this subplot. It's never to early to teach kids that the Ravens are evil. (Please tell me at least one person gets that. Bueller? Baltimore? Ravens? Evil? Bueller?)

Blah, blah, blah. Sixteen years pass and somehow the prince and his arranged-bride-to-be manage to "accidentally" run into each other in the woods. He doesn't know her. She doesn't know him. She knows her fairy kidnappers don't think she should talk to strangers, so what does she do? She invites him to her house. Genius!

Can you see that? Those words? "But when the prince asked her name, Briar Rose remembered that the fairies had told her to never talk to strangers. When it was time for Briar Rose to go, she invited him to visit her cottage that evening."

I don't even know how the book ends. When I read those lines to Alexis, I had to start making crap up so that the moral of the story was to never-ever invite a boy to your house because really bad things involving violent toads and the maiming of Zac Efron will happen.


  1. More princess stuff coming your way (see my blog)

    I have always questioned the logic of sending your baby away with fairy ladies...although, I might be able to get some work done if the fairy ladies would just come babysit...

  2. We have a Disney princess book that I keep hiding, and yet it keeps magically reappearing. Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty all together.

    There's a lot of summerizing that happens, cause really, every body is just friends. "Briar Rose and her friend Phillip . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . Snow White's friend kissed her cheek . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . "

    I mean, I'm sure all these princesses and princes were really friends with benefits, but we just aren't going there yet.

  3. Just skip the so called classics and old time favorites. They're all a little twisted!! Start her on some chapter books she'll thank you for it later lol!

  4. Anonymous12:18 AM

    DUDE! The old Disney movies are rife with inappropriate situations, talk of DEATH, and terrible stereotypes. I love your alternate ending . . . far more applicable to real life.

    (Sleeping Cutie . . . too freakin' cute!)

  5. If I remember correctly in the original tale he didnt kiss her awake...he ummm, got way too friendly while she was asleep which in this day and age would probably be considered a felony.

  6. LMAO!! Ofcourse this movie and book were only read to and watched by my sons (I just got too tired of reading the same crap to my daughters once they arrived .... True story) I think Sleeping Beauty (or cutie) is a wonderful fairy tale much better than say ... Cinderella!

  7. i have taught my child to say "Ravens EWWWWWW". his father is a Ravens fan. *sigh* after spending a whole day with daddy he sometimes says "yay ravens eww" poor kid will be confused.

    and yeah, that's the original story. taught me to never play with spindles and don't sing in the woods.

  8. I made the mistake of letting her watch Sleeping Beauty this past weekend while I jumped in the shower. Within six minutes, there was a wailing three-year-old pulling the shower curtain back wailing "THERES A MEAAAAAAAAAAAN WITCH!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"


    Somehow, a giant half-woman octopus/witch is okay but this one is not.

  9. I think good old Walt was perpetually high. There are a lot of jacked up fairy tales. Snow White is a personal fave - one woman, seven men. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why the dwarves were so happy. I'm thinking Grumpy suffered ED.

  10. Scariest story to read as an adult? Pocahontas. She fights with savages and all. Walt Disney must have been on something...

  11. 1. @Karen: that is hysterical.

    2. Bah on the princesses. Give me some talking animals any day of the week (Nemo, Bolt).

    3. I don't know how it happened, but I'm two girls in, and nary a princess fan to be found. Whew.


  12. Hilarious. I was into princess stuff for a couple years as a kid (I was in grade school when all the 90s Disney movies came out, prime target age). Don't kids move on to horses and ponies after princesses, or are they not cool anymore?

  13. Holy crap. I don't know the Sleeping Beauty (or 'Sleeping Booty' as Maggie calls her) story either! That's just... messed up.

  14. *snicker* HAHA! So, basically your calling Sleeping Cutey easy? :) Try reading her anything by Don and Audrey Wood. My kids chose them over Disney any and every day.

  15. Ravens bad...must stomp Ravens.

    Most fairy tales are based on Grimm's Fairy Tales - have you ever read the original Grimm's Tales? Seriously, my dad thought it was cool to be authentic and read Grimm's to me. Let's just say it is a miracle I'm not more twisted than I am because those are some seriously effed up and not kid appropriate stories.

    Oh and when I was in high school, I wanted the Little Mermaid on VHS (my friend and I liked Disney cartoons - shut up). They couldn't find it so bought some other jacked up version that ended with the mermaid killing herself. Good message.

  16. tsk tsk...ravens are cool, 'yo (yes, as ultra-white girl I know I do not carry that off).

    But like we in gian metropolis south of you have much choice? Deadskins? Please.

    And my true hometeam? Yeah, not much better...though a different maroon and gold.

  17. @Michelle--I, uh, might have, maybe, started collecting Disney movies in high school as well. Maybe. Ahem.

    I LOVE the original Grimm's Fairy Tales. LOOOOVE.

  18. I remember being scared for weeks after seeing Sleeping Beauty in the theatre when I was little (the scene where Maleficent is giant is quite extreme for children). A lot of those old movies have scenes that kids shouldn't be watching. Snow White - just as alarming. Disney has done a good idea of promoting the Princesses over the movies in recent years - dresses, Princess Tales DVDs, songs, etc.

    Scott bought a big book of fairy tales and whenever Juliana insists on reading, I have to carefully edit what I read aloud so as not to terrify her right before bed.

    Are you rethinking the ballet - or will the dance distract from the plot?

  19. All things Disney are twisted, and mostly inappropriate for children. What I hate (let me climb up on my soap box here) is how every princess story makes little girls feel that a man has to come and "save" them. They will sweep them off their feet and with a single kiss, things will go from bad to "happily ever after".

  20. This is why I'm a big fan of commentary. I may or may not have said after reading our own Seeping Booty book, "Whoa. I cannot believe she waited for him to save her. I would have set my magic alarm clock to wake me up." You should read some of the crazy-random endings we've come up with. Great way to peek inside my girls' minds, too!

  21. P.S.--My thoughts on fairy tales are to read the old, horrifying, un-PC, not-necessarily-happily-ever-after versions.

    I was read them as a kid and came out just the right amount of warped--no squeamishness, no waiting for any 'prince', and no unrealistic expectations of life.

  22. the cradle robber picture KILLED ME.
    i am still laughing at my desk.


  23. But she knows the prince... she walked with him once upon a dream! (Watch the movie. It's the song they sing. I love the song, but am concerned about the message it sends about talking to strangers... ;-P )

    I keep meaning to get the Paperbag Princess books. I hear she saves the prince!

    (And maybe, possibly, I also bought a few of the Disney princess movies when in high school/college. To go with my Barbie collection! Ack! It's true!)

  24. You know I get the Ravens reference. Don't doubt me.

    That said, I was never much of a Princess girl either. But as someone else mentioned, there's music. And music is my first love. So, I can't hate them all.

    But I'm also glad I don't have to read it. ;)

  25. You are the best, you know? LOVE this... haha... I'm glad I have 2 boys. I don't have to deal with this sort of thing. I never quite thought of this story in a bad way before this post, and now? Wow. What a great thing to teach little girls! *shaking my head*

  26. Huh. I much prefer your version of the story. Very realistic. Seriously...that story always messed me up too. How evil were her parents anyhow? Promising her to some kid at such a young age!?

  27. it's funny how many of those stories make me cuh-razy with our 21st century sensitivities!