Sunday, January 31

A Little Something for the Grown-Ups

When we first walked down the party decorations aisle, Alexis uttered the most frightening words I've ever heard:

"I want a Dora party!"


Fortunately, she spotted the High School Musical stuff a little while later and changed her mind. Before she could, though, I had an idea. A brilliant idea.

A Dora piñata.

I'm not a big fan of highly structured birthday parties for little kids. I tend to think if somebody is paying for pony rides and clowns and petting zoos and performances by the Jonas Brothers for their 4-year old's birthday party, they aren't doing it for the kid. Regardless, I figured it wouldn't hurt the hoodlums coming to Alexis' party to stop setting off bombs in the playroom long enough to smash Dora's face.

Oh. Em. Gee.

I wish I had videotaped it, if only so I could relive some of the most fantastic lines ever uttered by preschoolers.

"Hit Dora in the face!"

"Smash Dora harder!"

"Hit Dora between her eyes!"

I have to admit, the Latina Whore is one tough hussy. She was battered, she was bruised, she was dented, but she would not break. Of course, she was the lame type of piñata that has the strings you're supposed to pull to open her, but I wanted her decapitated. Judging by the gleeful faces of the other parents in the room, I was not alone.

We kinda sorta let the kids keep whacking the Whore for a REAL long time. Every single parent in the room was grinning from ear-to-ear. There might have been a few celebratory fist pumps each time the Latina Whore took a good hit to the face. She never quite died, though.

I had to ask Mr. Husband to pull the ribbon. I nearly passed out laughing when I glanced over to find him trying to get the candy unstuck from the Latina's nether regions, but sadly, other than a giant hole between her legs, she was pretty much alive and well.

Until my new hero got hold of her.

You know your party is a success when one of the guests brings you Dora's head on a stick.

She didn't stop there, though. My new hero bashed and smashed and hit and whacked that Dora until she was REALLY dead.

Have you ever seen anything quite as beautiful as a decapitated Dora? I haven't.

Except maybe the look of pure bliss all around when Dora got ripped from limb-to-limb.


My only regret is that Alexis missed the carnage. She was too busy hiding because her guests had the nerve to look at her when she was about to take a whack at the Latina Whore.


  1. That's awesome. I hate Dora.

  2. Imma try this again... Thanks Firefox, for eating my first attempt at a comment...

    I did try to get A away from Phineas & Ferb to participate/watch the beating of Dora. She wanted no part... (However, her trying to sit on my lap to watch was priceless. Oh hai, glitter everywhere...)

    I'm glad she suffered (pleasantly) through the cake & presents.

    Thank you, again, for letting me come to the party, see some old and new friends, and have a little fun with A, and tehJack. Good times, all around, I think.

  3. Em had a ball with the adult-sponsored violence. She made you a craft and forgot to bring it and realized it on the way home and was PISSED.

  4. An awesome way to utilize the Little Latina Whore at a birthday party! Cracked me up all the way through the post until I read about Alexis...then it was just "Awwwwww!"

    LOVE those last two shots.

  5. Do they make Ruby pinatas? Cause I'm all over that shit.

  6. That last pic? Priceless.

  7. Of course she'd have the hole between her legs - she's the Latina Whore.

  8. So you DID have a Dora at the party! AWESOME.

  9. The only way I want to see Dora in my house is being whacked to death by small people.

  10. i had a big ole comment about dora and pinatas and blah, blah blah. it all went away when i got to that last photo.

    spectacular shot of such a beautiful girl!

  11. What an inspired idea, the LW pinata was.

  12. I've had similiar feelings about the "Spice Girls" when they were popular. *Shudder*. I was in hysterics with hubby trying to retrieve the last bit of candy from Dora nether regions.

    That frown is priceless. Oh my gosh. Sorry to hear Alexis was hiding during this delightful carnage. (Hugs)Indigo

  13. LOL Hell hath no fury like a parent who has seen too many episodes of Dora.

  14. You seriously have to take that last pic & blow it up to poster size when she's either: graduating high school, college, or getting married. It's fantastic!

    p.s. sorry I made you spend that money on the HSM crap :-)

  15. Um.... you know those little strings hanging from the bottom? You're supposed to pull them... one of them opens a trap door in the bottom for the candy to come out of. You're not supposed to beat the shit out of her... though your way is funnier and more satisfying I'm sure :-)

  16. This is TOO funny! I wish I would have thought of this when Maya was that age! Thank God she is 9 now and cringes at the sight of anything Dora, because you know, how uncool is Dora. The Jonas Brothers are WAY cooler. Haha. :)

  17. Ha ha ha - I thought I was going to read that you had a HSM party for the little peoples and a secret LW pinata in a back room for the grown-ups to whack. THAT would have been worth a YouTube video. :)

  18. Too too wonderful a story! The pictures are the best!

  19. Anonymous4:55 PM

    Love Dora's head on a stick. I'd say the party was a smashing success ;)

  20. Those pinatas are ridiculous! I remember one of my parties as a kid. One of the little girls beamed my dad in the shins with the stick. After a long time of the kids trying to open the darn thing, my dad finally started whacking it (taking out his aggression on it for my mom putting him in charge of the game portion of the party). Then, the poor guy was just embarrassed, because he couldn't get it open for a while!

  21. Anonymous8:51 PM

    That is about 4,000 different shades of awesome! Did, you by chance, get the carnage on video? I would pay real money to see that footage!

  22. That is awesome. We've only seen 2 episodes of Dora and the biologist/science dork in me hates her. "Hey kids! Lost your ball in a volcano? Let's go get it! There's a baby bear up on the mountain that needs help? Let's enlist the help of a jaguar and go get it!" Um, Dora? Got 2 words for ya kid- natural selection.

    That pic of Alexis at the end is priceless.

  23. Sounds like a great party to me. I am proud of you for containing the urge to beat the crap out of her yourself.

  24. You called Dora a politically correct whore. YOU are my new hero.

    That aside, I hate when someone comments and then I feel I have to comment on their blog and it is this hellish circle of fakeness.

    I only comment when I deem something worthy. I'm a freakin blog snob alright. But this post met that criteria. So I had to comment.

  25. That face. Oh that face. (A's, not Dora's...)

  26. Ohhhh my God! I just love that face.