Tuesday, October 9

Hi, My Name is Hypocrite

So that whole sleep thing is really not going the way I would like. Over the weekend, Alexis slept through the night. I didn't say a word because, like, I'm not that stupid and I didn't want to jinx the situation. Then came Sunday night and guess what? My human tape recorder/alarm clock went off at precisely 3:30 am. Yay! And last night? Woohoo! I must have set the human tape recorder/alarm clock again cause there I was, in Alexis' room at 3:30.

She wasn't content with just a "Good night" this time, so we had quite the conversation. It went something like this:

Me: Go to sleep.
Me: Alexis, go to sleep.
Me: Alexis, there is nothing for you to do at 3:30 in the morning. Go to sleep.
Me: OK, seriously, you have no need to be awake at this hour until you get to college. Save it for then. You'll thank me.

Yeah, so she's not the best listener in the middle of the night. After about ten minutes of arguing, she finally realized I really wasn't going to pick her up and flopped over to go to sleep. But then I was wide awake, so I laid in bed thinking about all the times in my life that I have been awake at 3:30 in the morning. And determined that she absolutely, positively will not be repeating some of my actions. Unless she wants me to lock her in the basement. Because I will.

I haven't been awake at 3:30 (intentionally) forever, but I used to be every single night. When I was in high school. Seriously, every night. My parents had this ridiculous curfew thing and claimed I had to be in the house at 9:00 every night. Always one to avoid conflict, I was in the house every night at 9:00. As I passed from the front door, down the hall, into my room, and out the window. I could be found out with my friends again by 9:10, guaranteed. I usually returned home around 4:00, just in time for an hour or two of sleep before I went to school. I never once got caught, which I still kind of think is funny. Until I remember that Alexis is bound to try that same crap in about 15 years. At which point my head spontaneously combusts.

Call me a hypocrite, but if I ever catch Alexis out at 3:30 in the morning, it ain't gonna' be pretty.

Note to Alexis: Could we pretty please, with whip cream and blueberries on top, start practicing being asleep at 3:30? I will pay you in the form of baby dolls, Dora toys, Elmo, and Signing Time.


  1. How on earth did you graduate?! I've always been a 10-hour/night sleeper. Yeh, not really the life of the party. So I guess she only has you to blame for her nighttime ritual. ;)

  2. I'll second the how on earth did you graduate. I saved the 3am stuff till college. Maybe if she gets it all out of her system now, it'll buy you a couple of extra years of worry-free nights (haha - right).

  3. Not only did I graduate, but a year early and with a 3.95 GPA (damn Weight Lifting class ruined my 4.0)! I didn't need sleep when I was 16, which probably explains why I need 10 hours to be happy now. I'm making up for lost time.