Tuesday, October 9

Hi, My Name is Hypocrite

So that whole sleep thing is really not going the way I would like. Over the weekend, Alexis slept through the night. I didn't say a word because, like, I'm not that stupid and I didn't want to jinx the situation. Then came Sunday night and guess what? My human tape recorder/alarm clock went off at precisely 3:30 am. Yay! And last night? Woohoo! I must have set the human tape recorder/alarm clock again cause there I was, in Alexis' room at 3:30.

She wasn't content with just a "Good night" this time, so we had quite the conversation. It went something like this:

Me: Go to sleep.
Alexis: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Me: Alexis, go to sleep.
Alexis: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Me: Alexis, there is nothing for you to do at 3:30 in the morning. Go to sleep.
Alexis: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Me: OK, seriously, you have no need to be awake at this hour until you get to college. Save it for then. You'll thank me.
Alexis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yeah, so she's not the best listener in the middle of the night. After about ten minutes of arguing, she finally realized I really wasn't going to pick her up and flopped over to go to sleep. But then I was wide awake, so I laid in bed thinking about all the times in my life that I have been awake at 3:30 in the morning. And determined that she absolutely, positively will not be repeating some of my actions. Unless she wants me to lock her in the basement. Because I will.

I haven't been awake at 3:30 (intentionally) forever, but I used to be every single night. When I was in high school. Seriously, every night. My parents had this ridiculous curfew thing and claimed I had to be in the house at 9:00 every night. Always one to avoid conflict, I was in the house every night at 9:00. As I passed from the front door, down the hall, into my room, and out the window. I could be found out with my friends again by 9:10, guaranteed. I usually returned home around 4:00, just in time for an hour or two of sleep before I went to school. I never once got caught, which I still kind of think is funny. Until I remember that Alexis is bound to try that same crap in about 15 years. At which point my head spontaneously combusts.

Call me a hypocrite, but if I ever catch Alexis out at 3:30 in the morning, it ain't gonna' be pretty.

Note to Alexis: Could we pretty please, with whip cream and blueberries on top, start practicing being asleep at 3:30? I will pay you in the form of baby dolls, Dora toys, Elmo, and Signing Time.

3 comments:

  1. How on earth did you graduate?! I've always been a 10-hour/night sleeper. Yeh, not really the life of the party. So I guess she only has you to blame for her nighttime ritual. ;)

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  2. I'll second the how on earth did you graduate. I saved the 3am stuff till college. Maybe if she gets it all out of her system now, it'll buy you a couple of extra years of worry-free nights (haha - right).

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  3. Not only did I graduate, but a year early and with a 3.95 GPA (damn Weight Lifting class ruined my 4.0)! I didn't need sleep when I was 16, which probably explains why I need 10 hours to be happy now. I'm making up for lost time.

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