Thursday, November 15

He's Not Just Annoying, He Looks Ridiculous, Too

Two nights ago, as I was writing a blog entry, my husband paused in his activities to ask me, "Are you writing about me?"

As you may know, I was not writing about him. I told him as much, to which he replied, "Why not? I know I'm driving you crazy."

Honestly, THAT was the understatement of the century. But I replied, "Whatever" and went back to typing on my laptop.

I was going to let the whole thing go and not write about it, but since he pretty much invited the commentary, let me just tell you one of the ways my husband can make me insane in no time flat.

I know it's a common boy thing, but my husband takes the art of obsession to levels never before witnessed in the free world. If he gets it into his head that he wants something, he must have. it. NOW! NOW! NOW! As with most men, usually his obsessive craziness is directed towards some sort of electronic item. I've been around that block with him a few times, so I can tell you that he will obsess, buy, play for a few days, then abandon that thing he previously could not live without. There's quite an extensive graveyard of various discarded electronic items scattered all over our house. Come to think of it, I probably need to stop thinking about it before my face turns purple and my head explodes into a million little irritated pieces all over the dining room walls.

His latest obsession was with a Nintendo wii. Why? I have no idea. It's not like he actually plays any of the video games we already own. In fact, I haven't seen the man play a video game in probably five years. Even then, it was because I pretty much forced him to let me kick his butt in a little game of Mario Kart. I like to play video games. He likes to call me a geek for doing it.

So when he started saying he wanted a wii, I was extremely grateful that they are not exactly easy to come by. Unfortunately for me, his obsession reached a level to where he became willing to spend his every spare moment scouring Pittsburgh and Mr. Google until he found one. The same man who does not have time to hang up his coat spent HOURS searching for a wii. And succeeded. (Insert cuss words here. Lots of cuss words.)

You would think that the facts that I wasn't working at the time, Christmas is so close, and that I made scowly face when he told me he was going to buy it would deter him. You might also think that the fact that I said, "Do what you want" in a whiny, scolding tone would set off his "BEWARE--Your wife is setting a trap" alarm, thereby slowing him down. You would be wrong. He bought it anyway, explaining that he might just turn around and sell it on eBay and that I should just think about how much money he would make with the move. I knew very well that he was lying like a rug at the time. The odds of him being able to resist the urge to open that box and play with some brightly-colored cables was about as good as the odds of monkeys flying out of my butt.

I was right. He opened the box, hooked up the over-priced hunk of plastic, and borrowed a few games from a friend. Then, just so that he could add insult to injury, he started playing the stupid thing in the same room I was sitting in. Do you know how annoying it is to have a 200-pound man pretend bowling in your living room? I know! I know! It's less annoying that having that same man pretend boxing in your living room! Every. freakin'. night. And he knows it's annoying because he told me so.

Excuse me while I go smash my head through a wall.

15 comments:

  1. Bowling in the living room. I'm still laughing!

    We don't own any of those kinds of game machines (see, I don't even know what they're called). Thank goodness. We don't even have time to watch the tv programs we recorded a week ago.

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  2. Yep, we got a Wii as a 'family' gift last Christmas too. Annoying expensive thing... I was told it was a family gift as I would enjoy watching hubby play with the kids on it.

    I think that this year the 'family gift' should be a diamond ring, sized to fit ME. I'll share it with them by letting them look at it.

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  3. My hubbs' only obsession is watching TV. And we don't even have cable. In fact we were just in a huge fight last week because I'm not even allowed to touch a remote much less watch anything that I'd like.

    It's a man's world.

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  4. I'm sorry, are you sure you're not talking about my husband?

    Fortunately for him, he's gone through most every imaginable electronic item and now obsesses over camping and outdoor gear. And tries to suck me in with him. ("Babe, this sleeping bag is rated to -10 degrees! You'll love it!" "No sweetheart, I don't plan on traipsing around the woods and sleeping out in subzero temperatures.")

    At the height of the electronics obsession, we reached an agreement of him selling his last coveted item in order to get the next. Which only backfired and became a revolving door of wired boxes.

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  5. Wow...when did my husband move to Pittsburgh?

    Men and their expensive toys....

    I love your retelling of the situation!

    Maybe you can sell some of his old obsessions on ebay- people will buy anything!

    I added you to my blogroll...hope that is okay!

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  6. Hey! What are you doing with MY husband?!?

    Fortunately, for the most part, my husband's obsessions are fairly low priced. Several months ago he decided that he was going to start playing racquetball again but he MUST have new court shoes. So he bought some from Zappos. Guess how many times he's played raquetball since then? Go on, GUESS! ONCE!! And now those shoes sit gathering dust in our bedroom. ARGHHH!

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  7. Well, "they" say, if you can't beat em, join em! That pretend boxing would take out your frustrations!

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  8. I can't join him. One of his excuses for the purchase was that the "whole family can play!" I responded that I don't personally have two available seconds in my day to stand around playing stupid games so I would never play it. Each time he's asked me to join him since then, I have refused.

    I vow that I will never, ever, ever play the thing. Out of spite.

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  9. 'Electronic graveyard.' My house to a T. I cannot believe the things he has spent money on, only to abandon them a month later! And the worst part is, he won't let me get rid of them - the Playstation being at the top of the list. He hasn't played it in over 5 years, but he *might* want to play it tomorrow, so it should be here just in case.

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  10. Driving with the Brakes On--Our husbands must have been separated at birth. I hear the same excuse over and over and over. We are planning on a move sometime in the next year, however, and I think I will volunteer to do all the packing.

    (Hi, Honey! So you're reading comments today, huh? Love you! And all of your crap! I would never throw anything away! Promise!)

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  11. When we moved my husband took what mattered the very most to him (which was actually very little) and said I could do whatever I wanted with what was left.

    He's since come back to accuse me of getting rid of this or that. But I stand firmly on my license to toss. Good luck with the move!

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  12. Sadly, we have to find a house or some property to build on before we actually move. But we will because this itty bitty house just can't hold much more stuff before it is going to burst at the seams.

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  13. OMG...your article made me all mad at my husband again for his fleeting (yet expensive) electronic transgressions.
    Right before our 3 year old was born, he NEEDED a bike. And not a $100 Huffy from Wal-mart...no...but some ridiculous $300+ bike. He rode it for a few months...then it got cold (winter)...then it was too hot (summer), but he never rode it when it was in-between (er, spring and fall?). Also, this overpriced garage ornament did not come with a kick-stand...apparently those are optional and he chose cute padded biking shorts instead of a piece of metal that would stabilize the dang thing while it not being used. So it gets constantly knocked over by me or our older son...ticked me off so bad the other day that I shrieked that it MUST be hung from the garage ceiling since he hasn't touched it more than ONCE since we've lived in this house. For 2-1/2 years.
    ahem. okay. sorry about that. I feel better now, though. :)

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  14. Colleen--It's taking every ounce of energy I have to not bust out laughing right now, even though I have an audience. I'm going to keep your bike story in mind when Spring returns and my husband tries to convince me (again) he needs a really expensive bike to replace the cheap-ish one I made him settle for last year.

    If a $100 bike comes with a kick stand, so should a $1000 bike. It's a freakin' piece of metal for goodness sake.

    And don't get me started on the whole "I need a better seat" thing. Don't ride a bike if you want the boys to stay happy. Do I care if they are numb? No, I do not.

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  15. It's a CAT. The dogs are so front & center me thinks the cats get little to no love in posts.

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