Sunday, May 4

Just the Facts

Fact: I am an idiot.

Fact: Going to a kids indoor play place on a rainy Saturday afternoon could be construed as a suicide attempt.

Fact: Just when you realize you must be suicidal for going to an indoor play place on a rainy Saturday afternoon, you will also realize that many of the other people who go to those place are just plain moronic.

Fact: It is reasonable to expect that an indoor play place will be dirty enough to make your skin crawl.

Fact: If the carpet is only brown in some spots, the giant monkey cage is caked with a 4-inch layer of dust, there are huge chunks of plaster missing from the walls, and the pretzel crumbs that your daughter drops grow legs and crawl away, that indoor play place falls outside the range of reasonable expectations in regards to filth.

Fact: If your kid is old enough to drive, he or she is too frackin' old to be running around in one of those indoor play places.

Fact: The parents of the kids that are old enough to drive and yet are playing at an indoor play place on a Saturday afternoon don't really care what the heck their kid is doing, even if it involves activities that might be perceived as early indications of a future life of crime.

Fact: It's never a good idea to leave a toddler unattended in the middle of a crowded indoor play place on a Saturday afternoon.

Fact: Nobody will care if you yell at an unattended toddler for beating the crap out of your kid. "Unattended" can have its advantages.

Fact: The people that work at indoor play places don't really care about anything except making sure they do as little as possible while they are at work.

Fact: The people that work at indoor play places couldn't care less if your toddler is killed by a kid who is old enough to drive a car, but yet would prefer to take running leaps off of the toddler playhouse without regard to the tiny skull they are going to crush when they land. The staff also won't flinch if they witness a kid fall two stories in the monkey cage because flinching might give the perception that they are alive and therefore should do something. Nor will that staff stop you if you walk out of the play place with someone else's kid, even after they check everybody's wristbands and confirm that you are not holding your own kid. Safety is not exactly a priority for the people that work at indoor play places.

Fact: Indoor play places suck.

Fact: Meeting an old friend at an indoor play place can be the thing that saves your Saturday and makes the whole fiasco almost worth it.



49 comments:

  1. I remember how hard it was when MA was Alexis' age. She'd be trampled. Now MA can look out for Peanut and Diva. It is so hard for an adult to climb throught those things. I'm glad they have started getting rid of the ball pit death traps.

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  2. Glad to see no tongue action this time around! ;)
    And how cute is she?...the cute flippy hair, adorable madras-top? yowzah! Peyton must've been too blinded by her cuteness to try anything (although in his defense, he is pretty darn cute, too!).

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  3. either that, or her runny nose kept him away... :)

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  4. You totally go to those places (and to Chuck E Cheese) expecting to catch a disease. It's what they're for - helping the immune system.

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  5. The whole unattended kid thing really bothers me! We're parents, isn't it our jobs to attend them? Well, besides the time we spend blogging...

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  6. Are you saying that an unattended toddler beat up Alexis? I hope you pushed him down.

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  7. yeah, you know little Alexis has "people" and we're that "people". Just say the word and she'd have more than peeps than Verizon's army of engineers *laugh* We may have to come rough up some little sombodies *s*

    Seriously, you should run for governor..mayor maybe and make some laws. Maybe form your own posse like those Guardian Angels in NY and go around wearin' hats -n-bustin' up some hoodlums; teen & toddler alike.
    I'm jus' sayin...
    *wink*

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  8. Man, I was laughing until you had to include the AWE factor.

    Still.

    Adorable. Dang it . . .

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  9. Allison12:02 AM

    Oh those places are just awful. I'm sorry you took the chance on Saturday...at least you got some cute pictures out of it :)

    I would have found that kids parents (who was beating up Alexis) and set them straight, after setting the kid straight, which I'm SO glad you did.

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  10. Makes me glad I have never braved an indoor playground thing.

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  11. Oh no...Indoor play place sounds no fun:(

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  12. admit it, you loved it!

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  13. well, at least Alexis was styling for that whole experience. She is too cute. And you got to met up with a friend. yeah....you're right- still not a good time.

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  14. Yikety yuck! Next time just try Chuck E. It's gotta be better than that with slightly more control over the kids.

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  15. "even after they check everybody's wristbands and confirm that you are not holding your own kid."

    My jaw hit the keyboard when I read that. We have those places here in Australia but I never in my wildest dreams thought of having to have a wristband as security...

    That has terrified and disgusted me all at once. Sometimes the world just freaking sucks. Having to think of something like that.

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  16. Were you in NY?! I swear you just described one of the indoor play areas we have. To a T!

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  17. I think I'll take a pass on indoor play places...I have the hee-bee-gee-bee's just thinking about it. Did you go home and throw yourself in a bath of antibacterial gel? Because I think that's the only thing that would lower my blood pressure.

    But I bet she loved it. Kids love those things.

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  18. Fact: Sometimes people let their children take an enormous poopie in the middle of those tubes and don't clean it up.
    Egads, I hate those places!

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  19. Somebody hurt Alexis?! I'm gonna need names.
    Love the second picture -very creative!
    I clicked on the link, and saw the kissing photos and now I am scarred for life - how did they know about tongue?

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  20. Indoor play places give me the willies! I know they'll be a day that I'll be sitting there though........proably sooner than later.

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  21. Was that ChuckE Cheese or Safari Sam's?

    I. Can't. Stand. Those. Places.

    I went once-- a long time ago-- my friend's child broke his arm. Enough said!

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  22. You haven't fully experienced indoor play places until you've personally crawled through the monkey cage to rescue a freaked out toddler.

    And then sprayed said toddler with Lysol before entering the minivan.

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  23. Were you in Houston this weekend?

    Sounds so familiar.

    And they so need an age limit at those places. The last time I was there a group of high schoolers skipping class barreled in and took over the whole place.

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  24. This is why God made Purell. I hate those places. But sometimes its all we've got.

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  25. John found an incredibly expensive watch at the bottom of the ball pit at one of those places. He had gone in to retrieve a crying Connor and felt the watch under his knee. He tried to find the owner and then tried to give it to the owner to hold in case the person came looking for it. He wouldnt take it.

    Guess that "find" makes up for him also finding a dirty diaper in the ball pit that same day!

    Hallie

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  26. Places like that gross me out to the point we avoid them. I seriously hate any place that has a ball pit cause that freaks me out. I am glad that you both survived your adventure on the upside those are some cute pics!

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  27. We were at a birthday party Saturday at an indoor play place. Awful....I swear the germs were multiplying right in front of me...they are getting brazen!

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  28. I've soo missed you! Smooches. And, NEVER go to the play place on Saturdays. That's you at your Silly Billiest.

    Now about the color scheme of the wedding: I'm thinking pale lavender.

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  29. I had a similar experience when I took Griffin to McDonalds on Friday night at 5pm to play in the gigantic playroom. Lets just say that we both SCRUBBED ourselves down when we left there, it was NASTY!

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  30. I have a sneaky suspicion that we picked up our stomach bug at an indoor play place, so I hope and PRAY that doesn't happen to you!

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  31. I've never been to an indoor playplace, but it sounds wild!

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  32. that place sounds disgusting.

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  33. Keep us up to date on what illnesses and rashes resulted, k?

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  34. SAN.I.TI.ZER. A whole tub of it. Pronto.

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  35. Ewww, I just cringe reading about that place, and then I cringe even more after reading the comments. Just Ewww. And some other kid beat up The Toddler? WHAT? It sounds just terrible, but then there are these pictures. Look at those two faces in the last one. All of a sudden the Ewww turns to Awww. She is just so darn cute. And him? Look at his eyes; what a doll! Just Awww...

    Dank you...HAHAHAHA!

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  36. No one should be unattended at these zoos. No.one.

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  37. Yep, I always thought it was funny how people that work at play places like this freak out if your kid leaves his shoes on but then they have no regard for rules like, no food or drinks in the play place or no one over 12... if they would clean the place out and keep the giant 12 year old feet away from my kids, I might consider having them take their shoes off.

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  38. Those places freak the crap out of me. I always picture kids puking and peeing in the balls. Ewwwww!!!

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  39. My kids love going to these places. What they don't love is the hot scrub down afterward.

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  40. Damn! - you hit the nail right on the head there!

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  41. See, after the third or fourth time of my kids crawling through someone else's poo or pee in either the ball pit or the habitrail, I just never went back. Ew. Not worth it.

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  42. Uh, where was that place again? (So I never have to go...)

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  43. Ewww. But at least the little one's look happy. :)

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  44. Heeheeee..... THEY look happy. :)

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  45. Hey, I sent the toddler drawing...did you get it?

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  46. I am recovering germaphob...just looking at the pics is making me want to wash my hands lol

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  47. Great pictures! She is so cute!

    I have seen my share of really gross playlands and some others that were very well kept. One that we went to had workers crawling all through there sanitizing everything the whole time. There was at least two people inside with spray bottles and towels. They also had this really cool ball washer that all the balls were run through often.

    I also keep my camera close at hand at all times.

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  48. I LOVE the second picture. Love it love it!!

    Those places are the reason Jon wishes we could just fill our tub up with hand sanitizer and bathe in the stuff. The ball pits make me feel all skeevie.

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  49. So I know you probably won't read this comment as it's from an older post and it's the last one in a line of several.....BUT, I was going to write a post on this tomorrow about our experience with just such a place. What IS it with those danged older kids and their oblivious parents? WTF?
    Adorable pics, though. So sweet. The kids always seem to have such fun, and their ignorance (to the ca-raziness around them) is bliss.

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