Wednesday, June 25

Aaaaaaaaaand Rant

We live in a very small townhouse which is part of a very large complex and comes complete with a very annoying Home Owners Association. I say "very annoying," but really it's usually just this thing that we pay monthly so that our grass stays cut and the snow stays out of the driveways. It's only actually really annoying about once a year when our jerkface neighbor decides to make it annoying.

While there is a whole long list of rules and regulations to go along with our HOA, very few rules are actually enforced. If you walk through the joint, you'll find houses that are painted a non-Association approved color, tacky five-foot tall rope light palm trees, dogs running loose while the owner stands inside his or her front door, cars parked where the very clearly don't belong, flowers that are taller than the five-foot maximum technically permitted, and a whole host of other so-called violations. That's not to say the neighborhood looks bad; it's more that nobody cares about anything as long as it's not affecting them.

One of the rules is that no children's equipment can be left out in a yard. So, despite the fact that we OWN probably half an acre, that technically means we can't leave any pools, slides, swings, basketball goals, or the like in the yard. But we always have. It's not like an aisle of Toys 'R Us going on or anything, but if I set up the inflatable pool on Saturday, I'm very likely to leave it in the yard until Sunday. When we recently re-stained our deck, we stuck a bunch of plastic kingdom items in our driveway, under the deck, for the three weeks it took to finish the project. They weren't permanent residents of the blacktop, but we had to stick them somewhere until we were done.

Apparently, that annoyed someone. Today we got a letter from the HOA stating that there had been a complaint about the toys left in the yard. Now, most of it was already gone. It took me approximately 13.531 seconds to clean up the two items that were left. Whatever. What has me FLIPPING MY LID is that the notice said we had to take down the swing that has been hanging from the underside of our deck for well over a year.

WELL OVER A YEAR.

Puhleeze. Nobody can tell me that swing was bothering anybody. We own an end unit at the end of the complex, so nobody even drives past our driveway. They have no business being in our backyard as it is private property. If they would keep their eyes to themselves, they wouldn't even know it was there.

I'm PISSED.

Never mind that the Toddler is pretty much too big for it anyway. Never mind that she hardly has used it this year. All I care is that somebody complained about something that makes meh behbeh happy.

We know who "somebody" is. We can't prove it, but I'm pretty sure it's the same "somebody" who once filed a complaint because we wouldn't let him park in our driveway (if that doesn't make sense then you are reading it correctly--doofus thought that since they had lived in the complex longer he should have "seniority" and be able to park wherever, including on property that we own and pay taxes on). It's the same "somebody" who complained that we don't clean up after our dogs. At any given moment in time, there's a trash can full of individually wrapped stink bombs in our garage that say otherwise. It's the same "somebody" who whined when I planted a tree at the end of the driveway to keep people from driving across our grass to get to another driveway. Every freakin' year, the guy apparently scours the rules and regulations until he finds something to complain about.

We need to move. Before I kill him.

In the meantime, he works in Customer Service at our local Wal-Mart. I think I'm about to become a royal pain in his arse. If my baby can't swing in her own dang yard, I'm going to do some swinging. Oh, yes I am.

(Aaaaaaaaand end rant.)


59 comments:

  1. We had a neighbor who used to glare at us all the time. But people are so stupid - our neighbor told us not to park in front of his house but his friend have parked in front of our driveway. Hopefully this guy will get the sudden urge to move.

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  2. Yuck. Sorry that "somebody" is so awful. You should raise some hell for him at Wal-Mart. That is, if you can stand the place.

    Love the pictures--she looks happy in the swing!

    Are you actually thinking about moving?

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  3. Move the swing - hang it under his deck. Stupid dork. And then park on his lawn...and send him a complaint.

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  4. We have the same swing on our front porch. You know, you can always move in with me & fulfill your marriage vows? Celery ya. Smooches.

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  5. Could you accidentally pipe Alexis whining in the middle of the night right into his window? What a jerk.

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  6. JERK!! It's all in the makeup of a Walmart employee, however. Customer service, no less.

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  7. It's like that in military housing too. Someone always has to have a reason to b**ch. It's ridiculous, people suck!

    And it's always worse when it's something that's been ok with everyone for a long time. We had to pick up our trampoline and lift it over the fence to put it in back of the house because it can't be on the side of the house! GRRRR that was fun!

    I wonder when someone will complain cause some idiot (me) put up a pool in the garage.

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  8. I love that last picture - pure bliss!

    What do people have against baby swings?! We got the EXACT same letter last fall telling us the swing had to go. Poor Maren spent weeks standing under the tree looking up with a pathetic little frown wondering where her swing went.

    Raise some holy hell at Wal-Mart!

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  9. Just the other day, I had to return some things to Walmart. 36 things to be exact. That greeter had to scan and mark every single thing (itty bitty packets of dye) and they huffed and puffed their way through the whole task.

    Someone needs to go on a shopping and returning spree.

    We're waiting for some HOA rules to appear here. I feel like I'm baiting them with everything we've got in the backyard.

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  10. OH. My. GAWD!! This dude sounds like he's one of those people who is unhappy with his life and therefore feels he must make everyone else miserable. Or he just has no life.

    And why does the dude have to pick on poor BABY? Go find someone with some too-tacky lawn ornaments, or some ugly patio furniture and leave the poor, blissfully unaware, swinging toddler ALONE!

    Don't get mad, get even!

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  11. I'll never understand why people need to get up in other peoples bidness. I hope you manage to get it all sorted out!

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  12. There's a great house about to go on the market in my neighborhood, though the thought of BurghBaby and my kid as partners in crime scares the bejeezus out of me.

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  13. Yep, you need to move. But, if you need me to pick you up at the local jail, give me a call. I probably won't have bail money, though.
    P.S. My new neighborhood is nice. Just sayin'

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  14. My parents had this neighbor who called the cops weekly on all 3 of her neighbors for random reasons. She once complained that my dog wouldn't stop barking. the dog had already been dead for 2 years.

    People who complain like this "somebody" feel like they're elite because they're the neighborhood hall monitor. the housing area I'm in right now has rules but they're VERY lax. unless you really piss someone off you're good to go.

    If you need some muscle just call on YinzTeam.

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  15. That is so ridiculous that someone would complain. What a jerk. You should be pissed- it isn't right. Good rant- we all need that sometimes!

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  16. You know we have had our issues with neighbors and I have sometimes thought that it would be nice to have a HOA so we had some way to get them to cut their grass or remove garbage. However, after hearing your story, it reminds me that a HOA also can create misery when you have one miserable idiot who spends his days complaining and hating everyone and trying to make everyone else as miserable as he.

    I can't believe that anyone would really care about that swing! Crazy!

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  17. What an a-hole. You need to make HIS life miserable so that HE'LL move.

    We once had the city write us up for a very small stack of bricks (I'm talking less than a foot high) that were left over from a project Mr. Daddy was working on. In our backyard. That was fenced. That you couldn't see from the road. Yeah. I was pissed.

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  18. Hey, send those pictures to the HOA, I bet they won't make you take it down when they see how much Alexis loves it.

    This guy sounds like a ton of fun!

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  19. Yet more proof that are people are asses.

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  20. You need to start having some fun at the Wal-mart!

    Our old neighbors were horrible like that. When we moved in we had to ask them to move their cars out of driveway just so we could get to the garage and start unpacking. They pretended not to speak English and proceeded to park in our driveway whenever there little hearts desired. We had a tow truck come one time and boy that got them moving their cars! BUT, they turned the rest of the neighborhood against us because we are just so, so mean not to give up all our parking spots for them. So unfriendly are we.

    They had a party in the street after our uhaul pulled away. Seriously. Keg and everything.

    And now that we're gone and no one else lives there yet, they park in our driveway all the time and think they've won. I'm just hoping we can sell to people who are meaner and nastier than me.

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  21. Anonymous9:41 AM

    I'm thinking a quick drive thru the neighborhood to make a list of all the other violations - without specifically naming anyone's house of course. And a letter to the HOA stating that just as soon as they start enforcing every other rule, then and only then will you take down your baby's swing. And include a picture of her swinging. Can't just pick and choose which rules to enforce, it's all or none!

    Mia

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  22. My neighbors cat likes to piss on my front porch and all my bushes. I'm thinking it's time they move.

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  23. I agree with Mia. Totally drive around with a list and submit that and tell them when you see other things being enforced you will gladly follow the 'rules' which suck anyway.

    So you can't even have toys in your OWN backyard! Man, I'd be kicked out. My yard looks like a freaking day care center.

    And that guy is a douch.

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  24. Oh you can do some serious pissing off at Wal-mart. I say that every day you buy something then return it and make a HUGE stink as to WHY you are returning it.
    If he wants to play dirty you should play dirty.

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  25. Oh my god. You know I can sympathize with the crazy neighbor and the inconsistent HOA rules. This kind of stuff makes me INSANE. We almost moved out because our demon neighbor, but then decided to stay just to piss her off. I'm all for making this guy's life miserable. He has it coming.

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  26. Gather up as many little kids and toy equipment as you can, fill the front yard for an entire day and just party...loudly. Then bring everything in since you are technically following the rules.

    Make sure it's a real hillbilly party too....change kids in the front yard, bbq out there, even tie the dogs to the bumper of you car. You know, go all out.

    The "complainer" will soon see that a swing is really no big deal.

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  27. It seems that some people live to make other miserable. What a crapper! That would tick me off too!

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  28. Ahh, townhouse living...I hated the sharing of walls and common parking spots...it was worth paying the capital gains tax to move before two years...but bad neighbors exist everywhere...maybe in this situation it is good to have a HOA to tell him he can't park in your driveway! Make his life hell!

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  29. I would never survive in your neighborhood. I have shit neighbors, too, but since we don't have any HA stuff, they can kiss my ass.

    I would make sure I took the swing down when he could hear you and then instruct Alexis to scream about it. For hours.

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  30. Oh, how ridiculous.

    Our previous home was in a "community" like that, with a booklet of rules & regulations an inch thick, complete with an old lady whose sole purpose in life was reporting anyone who's window blinds were slightly askew.

    We live in the country now, where we're free to plant wherever we choose and leave as many toys strewn about the yard as we want. It's refreshing.

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  31. The house next door to me is for sale... one of the best school districts in the area...

    Think about it...

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  32. I TOTALLY agree with the anonymous comments. Take Alexis and Mr. Nikon (or is it Canon?) on a walk and start snapping pictures of every violation you encounter. Then remind the HOA how you haven't filed complaints about any of those more blatant complaints.

    Then go strangle Mr. neighbor with his ugly ass Walmart blue vest and tell him that's how your pregnant friend in Texas told you we show love down here and you thought you'd give it a try.

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  33. I agree with Mia too, that's a great idea.

    So what are you supposed to do with all your ourdoor toys anyway? They really don't expect you to stick them in the gaage each ancd every night do they?

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  34. Dude - he works in Wally World? Really? You MUST go heckle him.

    Also - there's always somebody like that who has to make a big deal out of everything. And they're usually old people, too - in my building there is a whole group of old people who are cantankerous and who will go to the effort of showing up at the meetings and complaining about things like people cooking food in their condos. Yes, that's right. Cooking food. 'Cause the alternative is what, starvation?

    Moreover, I loathe HOAs. The guy who is the president of ours is such a jackass - every single month he writes a newsletter that I know is going to piss me off and yet I read it. I can't look away - like a car accident.

    What kills me is that he keeps running for president of the board and yet every newsletter is a rant about how much he hates everybody who lives here. So my issue is - dude - if you hate us so much, why don't you 1) stop running for president of the board; and 2) move the hell away?

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  35. I agree people suck. We have the same problem living on post there are these dumb rules that no one cares about til some one cares about it. I think I would seriously start finding things (him) to complain about at walmart.

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  36. OMG, he sounds like such a loser! But hey, you definitely have the tools for revenge! You have a toddler, a dog and can at any time decide to shop at Walmart and then return everything... no I'm not giving you tips, I'm just saying...

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  37. What a jerk! I totally agree with Mia, too. You should definitely do that.

    Our HOA has some pretty serious rules and they enforce, but nothing we've found unreasonable... so far...

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  38. Your post reminded me of another VERY similar that I read a while ago. You need need need to read this!!

    http://thegrandview.wordpress.com/2008/04/29/on-trustees-and-birch-trees/

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  39. When my husband and I were first married we lived in a neighborhood that had a HOA, and we came to realize that some people who are "in office" have some serious delusions of grandeur.

    I feel for you. And your toddler looks so adorable in that swing that I say: THE SWING STAYS!!!!

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  40. Well, you could always get him on harrassment. Because some of this stuff qualifies.

    Our just do what we did and start a campaign to make life too difficult for him to stay.....

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  41. What a PITA.
    Some people really need to get their own lives. Ugh.

    Get 'em girl.
    She looks too cute in that swing.

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  42. Burgh Baby Momma...no more Mr. nice lady. It is time to open the can of whoop a$$

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  43. i'm thinkin' there's about 27 zillion ways to make his life difficult -- at home and at work.

    for starters, can you pipe unadulterated toddler tantrum noise directly into his stereo speakers?

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  44. What an jerk! Open up a can of whoop ass on him!!!

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  45. Sounds like this dude has no life! I mean, I can see someone complaining if you had garbage spewn around in your yard, or old car parts, or used crack pipes, or something like that! But children's toys? A baby swing? A TREE? How are those items bothering ANYONE?
    Ugh. You should totally move.

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  46. First off, the pics are so CUTE!! And HOAs can be quite annoying. Once I was out in the Sac with the neighbors and we cooked up an elaborate scheme. You used to be able to get 25 bucks if you reported a violation. So we would report each other for leaving out trash cans and voila, beer money! But they caught on pretty quick...

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  47. Oh man. I'd be pissed! We had similar HOA problems in a previous townhouse too. That guy sounds like he's certifiable.

    Sounds like you need to make sure that Walmart gets a new CS employee!

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  48. So is he an annoying old man with nothing better to do but complain? I have one of those too :(

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  49. OK I USUALLY DON'T COMMENT I JUST READ. BUT NOW YOU HAVE GOT MY ATTENTION. WHEN YOU HURT OR UPSET MY LITTLE BURGH ANGEL YOU HAVE PUSHED THE WRONG BUTTON.
    I AM HER NANA AND IF MY BURGH BABY AIN'T HAPPY NANA AIN'T HAPPY.
    SO "MR. SOMEONE" WHO PUT A KNOT IN YOUR UNDERWEAR? MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO BRING A NICE FRESH BAG OF BULL DOG POPPIE ON MY UPCOMING VISIT TO YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD. SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH FERTILIZER IN YOUR MOUTH WE WILL WORK ON YOUR YARD.
    MAYBE I COULD GO TO YOUR WALMART AND MAKE A PERSONAL CUSTOMER COMPLAINT ON YOU, I AM SURE YOU COULD DO SOMETHING ELSE TO PUSH MY BUTTON.
    MAYBE I COULD LET MY GRANDAUGHTER WONDER THROUGH ALL THE TOY AISLE'S AND LEAVE DISORDER AND CLUTTER. BUT WALMART ARLEADY HAS THAT DON'T THEY?
    IF YOU REALLY WANT TO IMPRESS ME SIR MOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!

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  50. They don;t pull that sh*t in San Diego. Nope. Never. So go ahead, just start packing now.

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  51. I'm thinking you might get a few good ideas from the "Grumpy Old Men" movies...dead fish under a car seat (or dead mother-trucker worm under a car seat) comes to mind. Or you could just scoop a urine clump outta the catbox and tuck that baby somewhere it can be nurtured by the warmth of the sun or warmth of a home and encourage other sweet kitties to come and add their own special stink. Or just have the cat pee on his funky WalMart vest so that everyone he greets will know what a stinky ass he is.

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  52. Oh, and since we're the foreclosure capital of the nation, we've got plenty of affordable housing...like across the pipe-stem from me...we could SHARE a driveway and we won't even park on your part of it! And we have a swingset for Alexis to come play on that was also put up without HOA knowledge/approval. ;)

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  53. I hate how people can't leave people alone. That guy's an asshole. Seriously.

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  54. I hate people like that!

    Love the pics in the swing:)

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  55. What a jackass. We recently reported a neighbor, but it was for a biohazard...and I'm about to report her to CPS for the same reason...but for a SWING?! That's been there that long?! Jackass. Period.

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  56. Totally off topic, because I'm not even going to get started on HOA's, but where did you get her dress? I lurves it.

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  57. There's always that one person who needs to be an a$$ in the neighborhood! Sorry to hear about your pain in the butt neighbor!

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  58. I liked the idea of listing other violations in the hood; but really just his. You and Tranny have some living arrangement issues; her place is bnuts too!

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