Monday, June 23

For the Mobile Flooring Showroom Tells You So

You know what I love? When my cell phone rings its extra-special and very unique ring tone that means exactly one thing:

Daycare needs something.

The ring tone needs to be the theme from Jaws because really, there is never a time that daycare calls just to say, "Hi! You know, your kid is absolutely splendid. We just adore her. In fact, we'll watch her for free for now on! I take that back, we should PAY YOU for being so kind as to allow us to be a part of her life. Is $800 per week enough?"

If only.

No, this morning's call went more like this, "Hi! Um, Alexis has some sort of rash on her back and arms and she's digging at her head." So I stopped whatever almost productive thing I was working on and made my way over to pick her up. Of course, by the time that I got there (Why does it take 10 minutes to drive the three miles to daycare but 40 minutes to walk the 20 yards from my office to the car? Am I really that popular? Weird.) the rash was gone. I could see where it had been, but any signs that the kid might be even slightly miserable had vanished in a dirty diaper-scented cloud of smoke (Seriously. Have you ever walked into a daycare center during diaper changing time? Oh.My.Hell.).

Despite the fact that the Toddler was obviously feeling as spunky as ever, I figured it was worth taking her home just to keep an eye on her (the fact that it was sunny and warm may have had a little to do with that decision). First, though, I thought it would make sense to run to the grocery store and pick up some anti-itch stuff, just in case the Toddler went all crazy and started acting like an itchy-mama again.

I made it about fifteen feet from the daycare parking lot before Alexis fell asleep, leaving me with the World's Most Critical Decision to work through. Do I just go to the store, potentially risking an awake and crabby kid who may not go back to napping? Or do I piss away $20 in gas while driving around for an hour so she can finish out that nap?

I ain't no fool. I pissed away $20. And while I was blowing three days worth of gas money, I saw this:



Say, huh? Hummana hummana, huh? Wha? I tried to ask Alexis if she understood what exactly was in that Wal-Mart parking lot, but she was too busy drooling like a rock star.



So, I ask of you, oh wise reader, what the frickety frack is this all about? I mean, I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I don't think he installed ceramic tile. Call me crazy, but I'm WAY conflumbubulatonfused about this thing.

52 comments:

  1. Must be a 'burgh thing. There's a construction company van I see all the time with a similar sort of holy roller bent.

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  2. This is something right out of the Bible Belt & certainly NOT the Burgh, right? And, Jesus doing laminate? Doesn't seem right.

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  3. Those are TrannyHead's hands, and she is saving you from the stubble burn just like if you fell on the carpet... which you are ripping up for hard wood floors.

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  4. I agree with it being straight out of this here Bible Belt. I live it everyday down here!

    Love the sleep picture. I would have done the same thing. I have been known to park the car in the driveway and read the mail/book/magazine or nap myself. Ain't no sense in waking a sleeping kid. 'Nuff said.

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  5. I'm gonna take a page out of my 4 year old's book, and proclaim, "Idon'tgetit". I just really don't get what Jesus has to do with you NOT shopping in a store for floors??

    STOP your sinful floor-from-a-store-purchasing-ways and repent!!

    And, the driving for the sake of a nap?? Guilty!

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  6. That is seriously messed up. Some people will use religion to sell anything.

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  7. ok...I'm a Religious Studies major...and my completely worthless degree is finally kicking in. Back in Bible day they had pottery for lamps and water and wine...so feasibly they had ceramic tile, right? I'm mean, not the glossy stuff, but ya know, the matte finish. I know it's not in the Bible, but you know, in the Apocrypha, I think they mention that Mary had some kick-butt flooring...got the family discount through one of her younger sons who did flooring (hey, her eldest son already cornered the market on carpentry AND saving the world from original sin). So it's possible, you know, that Jesus was trying to help support his brother's business.
    Hmmm...just re-read all of that. I'm just going to leave it and blame it on the mucho cold meds I'm on. That and mention that you are one crazy woman to drive around with these gas prices...but maybe your new audi runs on Mac-n-cheese or something. I have parked in the garage, closed it, left the windows of the car open and the kid inside and left the door leading to the house open. Just last week I left Cooper in the car with the windows open and sat on the front porch looking through catalogs while he dozed.

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  8. Hmm. Seems a bit sacreligious to me. I feel like I should be offended. Instead I think I'm just confused.

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  9. If they would have installed our flooring I'll bet the bone-on-a-rope wouldn't have nicked it the way it did. It would have been PERFECT.

    Where were they when we built?!

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  10. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!! I totally had no idea WTF you were talking about until that close up. Still ROTFLMAO!

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  11. I have BEEN the daycare when all the kids decide to fill their diapers with the foulest substance on earth 2-3 times in one day! My daughter poops little pellets that have a mild odor and easily flush, but all those kiddos I watched? Disgusting! They always saved it for me, too. Thanks so much.

    As for Jesus installing my floors -- I got nothing. I'm speechless.

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  12. WTF? I have no idea what that means. I didn't even see the "jesus" part of it until the close-up. That just makes it MORE confusing to me. Seriously, wtf?

    Yeah...I waste a LOT of gas just driving around with the sleeping child in the back. It's that, or risk my sanity trying to get him to nap again.

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  13. Well I for one have seen the error of my ways and will never have my floor installed by any one other than Floors Without Stores again.

    The rest of you who were not converted by that stunning bit of advertising are just heathens.

    And now I am assured my spot in heaven.

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  14. i'm speechless. and THAT'S saying something!

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  15. D'ya suppose Jesus could love me enough to include some walls, a roof and a couple of doors to go along with all that holy flooring?

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  16. Tell Jesus to get his butt out of the Walmart parking lot and get it over to Home Depot where it belongs!

    Hallie :)

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  17. It might be someone using their business as a ministry. Or an actual "Christian" business.

    They do need a new logo though!

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  18. Awww. How is she doing today?

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  19. red pen mama8:34 AM

    See, if they were smart, they would leave off the bloody hands (they could keep "Jesus loves you"), lure you in with their "convenient" location, and then hit you with the God stuff. I am a good Catholic girl (now), and those hands make me want to run screaming, I don't care what kind of flooring they are offering.

    ciao,
    rpm

    ps: Good meeting you! See you again soon.

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  20. Well it obviously means that Jesus loves YOU.....but not stores. Oh the poor stores.

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  21. Interesting. Strange, but interesting.

    And pissing away gas to finish a nap? Do that EVERY time I go home to visit the family--Morgan won't nap until I put her in the Jeep and drive. Love it. Especially when gas is $4.25 a gallon. Good times.

    :)

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  22. Como say huh? That's just weird. Are you sure you aren't in the bible belt...

    Of course you drove around and pissed away that gas $, you aren't a fool ;-)

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  23. WTH? There's a tree service around here called Jesus & Mohammed.

    Yesterday I saw a truck pulling a 20 foot paper machier dinosaur. Not sure what that was about either.

    And the diaper changing time at daycare? The worst. Or when you walk in and can immediately tell that *somebody* needs a diaper changed. I don't see how the teachers do it.

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  24. I'm actually kind of frightened. Besides, who says Jesus has any kind of talent helping you pick out floors for your home? Feeding hundreds on 9 loaves of bread and some fish yes, floors, not so much.

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  25. The mobile floorroom concept is awesome. We have one, Empire Carpets. They also do wood, tile, blinds... You call them up and they bring all their samples to your home, take your order, do your measurements, and come back the next day will all your stuff and put it in.

    But I really don't understand the need to put the post crucifixion hands on there. Yes, we get it. They want everyone to know they're Christian. But even as a Catholic, seeing that on a truck of a guy coming to do woodwork, Jesus isn't the first thing that crosses my mind.

    Ineptitude with a nailgun is.

    As for wasting gas to continue a nap...well...I've driven hours so that I wouldn't disturb naptime. It's worth the cost.

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  26. I keep looking at the picture and my eyes glaze over. The whole concept is fruity.

    What does floors without stores have to do with Jesus? Did you check the license plate to see if it came from the Bible belt?
    I thought the burgh was um not like that?

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  27. Hawt! Don't you love people attempting to cash in on religion! They think they can get more clients hawking religion AND floors than floors alone.

    I don't see religion as their chief problem - instead their chief problem is the lack of store. I mean - would you hire a floor person who had no store? I sure as hell wouldn't. That sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen to me.

    Also - I think Alexis just wanted a "get out of daycare free" card to pull. I respect it.

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  28. ??????????? nice bloody hands though.
    for some reason this really rubs me the wrong way....nuff said.

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  29. Maybe during that one hour drive you accidentally drove through Alabama. Because that's the only thing I can think of, because surely the bible belt must have somehow encroached on the 'Burgh or something.

    And if they don't have a store, how do you find them. Or maybe, because it's Jesus' flooring, you just pray for new floors, and if they feel that your prayer should be answered, they show up with the distressed hardwoods of your dreams.

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  30. I see weird things all the time but I have yet to see a Jesus flooring company. Maybe I should shop for flooring closer to the churches around here!

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  31. I'm floored about that truck. (GET IT??? ho ho ho! I crack myself up!)

    Hope that rash and itchiness went away for good. I don't blame you for driving around for the rest of the nap!

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  32. First and foremost, so would have blown the gas money. Bravo momma. Second, that truck is just way too freaky. WTH?

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  33. I would not be surprised at all if that truck had a Georgia license place. While I don't see TOO much of that sort of thing in downtown Atlanta (there are exceptions!) I see it ALL THE TIME when we leave the city to visit our families. I can't even list all the crazy Jesus billboards, trucks and displays I've seen.

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  34. Wonder if you they give discounts to Catholics?

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  35. I can see Jesus hocking handmade furniture, with Him being a carpenter and all. But flooring?? Really???

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  36. Well ALL be damn.

    We have a 'Christian' sort of thingy in these here parts, that I'm not sure what it does but basically carpenters and contractors and what not belong to it, in turning hoping to draw in other Christians. I think.

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  37. Wow. You got me stumped. Did they have some weird music with words like, "I don't care if it rains or freezes as long as I got my plastic Jesus sitting on the dashboard of my car"?

    I see your popular self all over the place. Thought I would hop over and lurk but this was just too weird to pass.

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  38. We live in the Bible belt, and yet, that would still be a stretch down here!

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  39. Oh.My. GOD! Yes, I said God! That is freaky!

    And I bet that was just a heat rash on BB. Hope she is still good.

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  40. Jesus is seriously an amazing and miraculous marketing tool . . . apparently.

    "diaper changing time?" UM, they have these? At the same time? I can't even imagine.

    And, finally . . . every morning. The only way to get J to sleep--car ride. Yes, I'm pissing away gas, but it is either that or the whole nap/good baby/good night sleep thing is out the window.

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  41. That. Is just too bizarre. Just say no.

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  42. That is just a little too weird.

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  43. Yup, that is weird.

    I remember the days of driving around to make sure we didn't interrupt a nap. Of course, WAY back then gas was around a dollar a gallon!

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  44. That is hilarious. On a referral, I once hired Christian Brothers Movers in Chicago (they answered the phone, I'm not kidding, with "Hello! God bless you!") and they totally stood me up, on the 30th, in the city, with a subletter moving in at 5 sharp. If that's not un-Christian, I don't know what is. So I wouldn't call the Jesus Flooring People if I were you. Found you thru Playgroupie's Stumble, btw.

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  45. Their motto could be: "We save our soul while saving your soles."???

    And I personally think that $20 nap investment would have looked cheap compared to having a tired, ticked off, shy 30 lb. toddler climbing all over you while trying to bury her face in your armpit. LOL!

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  46. I guess they don't get too many Jewish customers, huh?

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  47. Damn, same thing happened to me yesterday but it was a high school and a kid with period pain.

    But I didn't get no Jesus loving flooring. No fair!

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  48. I let calls from daycare go to voicemail. I always check the message after a minute, but that initial avoidance calms me a little because you know it's always something involving fever, rash, one time it was lice (eek), injury, etc. Never anything good, as you said.

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  49. hmmm from a Christians point of view I'm gonna guestimate that He doesn't approve of it! *sigh* people...

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  50. shame on them, using Jesus to bring attention to their business! 300 Pater Noster, stat!

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  51. I don't know how I missed this last week...thank God (who seems to have diversified into flooring) for StumbleUpon.

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