Tuesday, September 29

A Few Things That Should Not Be

The name "Vanessa Hudgens" and the words "singing career" should not be used in the same sentence.

There should not be any such thing as a pink NFL anything . . . except maybe a Cowboys jersey. For some reason that makes sense. But, there most definitely should not be a pink Terrible Towel. (Thanks, Gina)

Dancing with the Stars should not be on at 9:00. There are almost no family-friendly television shows anymore, and playing that one after the kid goes to bed gets a big fat FAIL from me.

There should not be a need to turn on the furnace in September. WTH, Mother Nature? 53 degrees?

Dolls should not be capable of sucking your soul out of your body, even with their eyes closed.

(If you're brave, it gets worse. That thing has an evil twin.)

Since I already went down the path to gross and frightening, this should not be. Rhonda is hysterical, but the whole concept is just . . . ewwwwww!

There should not be evil, disgusting bugs with more legs than Jon and Kate have kids in my shower. I'll spare the world a photo of which I speak, only because then I would have to look at it. Again.

The world should not be filled with GPS systems that scold you for refusing to follow their directions, even when their directions tell you that you should head right on down that railroad track and into a river. Who needs a road when you can hop aboard the oncoming train?

My inbox should not be filled with hundreds of emails promising that the sender can help me get the bigger, better penis that I've always desired.

There should not be people who think it's a good idea to clip their toenails at work.

Children who keep talking about how fun it would be to be a tiger should not be left unattended with markers. Guess how I figured that one out . . .


  1. Good ones! I have one to add...

    It takes Extreme Makeover:Home Edition only one week to build, and furnish a gorgeous new house for a deserving family.
    A Pittsburgh construction project cannot be finished in an entire summer!

    That should not be.

  2. Rhonda's knits are fab, I'm sure, but some things just should never be knitted. EVER.

  3. Oh, dear. I laughed my butt off at that photo! Mainly because I have several of Baby Girl looking exactly the same.

    And seriously? A PINK terrible towel?!?! I may or may not have teeny tiny baby girl onesies that are pink NFL gear, but come on, an adorable baby can get away with it. Grown-ups? Not so much...

  4. Why are John and Kate having kids in your shower?

  5. The other day, Emily took a marker and made her torso into a giant face. They are soul sisters.

  6. In the "things that should not be" category...

    The packages labeled "Pork Bungs" in my grocers meat case.

    ...You must REALLY hate someone to make them faux calimari like that. Hmm.....

  7. The really sick part is that I felt the need to click that Evil Twin link. I feel sick.

  8. LOL I made Paladin come over and look at the link and he went running! Awesome. But, still sick.

  9. can alexis do my makeup?

  10. also? i HATE pink sports crap. makes me wanna punch the wearer right in the throat. (bet whoever came up with the idea knew that pink stuff would anger real fans and he was hoping for mud wrestling to break out or something.)

  11. Anonymous11:02 AM

    Well, I would normally agree about the pink sports crap, but the pink towels are in support of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and will be given out by the Steelers at this Sunday nights game. Many of the players will also be wearing pink armbands or cleats in support, so maybe it's ok just this once!

  12. While I think it's great that the pink towels are in support of the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, simple pink ribbons on our Terrible Towel would be sufficient. There is no need to make the whole freakin towel pink!!!

    BB how many Steeler Tampons would you like for your tree? I know you have a bigger house now, I think you need ANOTHER tree just for those!


    And thank you for not posting the bug picture. I knew I liked you.

  14. 1. "There should not be any such thing as a pink NFL anything." I was afraid I was the only woman who loved football who felt this way! This is why I love you.

    2. That cannot be a doll. I refuse to believe it. I even clicked the link, and I'm still not sure I can believe it.

    3. "There should not be people who think it's a good idea to clip their toenails at work." I was wondering where that woman went after she left my company!

    4. I hope those markers were washable! Reminds me of that Comcast commercial with the guy who got tatoo stripes because he was a huge Bengals fan and he's on the phone and the guy on the phone responds, "Sorry Roger. You tiger now." (Found a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It0ozA0dXQY)

  15. Meh, I use a DivaCup during my monthly and it took a little while to get used to the concept but I prefer it over pads and tampons. To each his own. I don't think it's very positive or progressive to criticize other women for their choice in product for menstruation, um, collection.

    But I'm with you on pink sporting goods.

  16. Pink football stuff is LAME. LAME I TELL YOU! Even the stupid neon green jerseys the Seahawks just sported aren't as lame as pink jerseys.

    PS: I think in the football world you and me are ENEMIES!!!!!!! But I shall over look this because you're pretty darn funny.

  17. I'm really disappointed you've been ignoring those emails I've been sending you. The pills really do work. Oh and if little miss cutie moves on to harder stuff, baby oil works wonders at removing markers that aren't deemed washable.

  18. um. ew????

    except for alexis, who makes a really cute tiger.

  19. the doll - ICK!

    dancing with the stars - Juliana would love to watch, but it's on too late - I would also be hearing lots about shoes, dresses, sparkles and feathers.

    hate GPS, especially when someone calls me from their car and I have to listen to it shouting directions and dingin - my old boss used to do that all the time - couldn't even make it across Cranberry without it.

    Markers - face, hair, fingers, sometimes the entire hand - regular occurance - Mommy do you like my makeup...